100th EPISODE SPECTACULAR!

This week, the boys finally visit their most requested film TROLL 2 (1990) Does it live up to the infamy?!? 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Isaac. Derek, we've made it.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

We've landed. We've made it one hundred episodes. Wow, look, I'm I'm so much older and wiser now. I have seven gray hairs.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

I have eight legs. Last I saw you only had the the six, and I have nine teeth. What does all this mean, Derek? I don't. Where are we? What is what has happened?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

I'm really nervous. I n I need you. A hundred episodes does something to a man. It does. And I need you to do for me that thing that you always do.

SPEAKER_02 1:13

Oh, Derek, please. Not not here, not on the podcast. I need you. You promised me you wouldn't put me on the spot like this, dude.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

I need you to sing for me my favorite song. The one you love? The one I love. Sing that song you love. Sing that song I love so much.

unknown 1:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

You're not protesting enough. Part of my enjoyment of this is you not wanting to.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I don't, it's just that I'm nervous. No. I've never sung on camera or on microphone or ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Sing my favorite song.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

But I just, but I It's been such a long car ride to get to this hundredth episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

See, I opened my eyes. My eyes were closed for the first time 20 seconds. Direct eye contact. And now I need to sing. Make me the song with the mouth.

SPEAKER_05 1:53

There it is. Okay, I'll made the song with the mouth. Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily. Life is button.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Which is a really funny joke if you understand the context of today's episode. Because who what are we doing here? Welcome to the show. Welcome to episode one.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

It's literally the hundredth episode, and we're stumbling still tough to get there. Like a toddler learning how to ride a bike, which happens to toddlers. Of course. We are just struggling.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

It's a it's a it's a really problem, these, these, these bikes happening to toddlers.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

We've got some new lighting in this room. You don't even know who we are yet, but we've got some new lighting in this room, and there's something about the shadow on your neck that looks like you got a really bad tan. Ah. And I'm kind of worried about you. Did you get a really bad tan? You know, tanning beds are bad for you.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Final Destination taught me that. If I know anything about horror beds.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

I figured it out. My eyes were looking into the really bright light, and then I looked at you.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

And it gave me an impression. It gave me a shadow. Anyway, so if you're joining us for the first time, welcome in. And if you're coming back for the 100th time, if you've seen all of those episodes, welcome back to our little show. We like to call That Was Horrible. This is our re this is our horror review podcast where we do our best at reviewing the worst.

SPEAKER_03 3:16

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

My name is Isaac.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

And I'm Derek. And that's the first time, second time I've said that intro right. And I thought that I had two.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

And episode 100 is a great place to do it. Here on That Was Horrible, we are here to ask you the question. Why read Green Eggs and Ham when you can put on an anti-vegetarian movie where trolls, slash goblins, slash leprechauns force feed you their green foods, and grandpas have the powers of a god. What a crazy what a crazy preamble. Does that sound fun to you? Does that sound preamble?

SPEAKER_03 3:43

Green eggs and ham when you could watch a movie about trolls eating people after turning them into vegetables. Green foods. That's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

It's like basically a one-to-one. They should write a children's book, or at least a novelization, off of the movie that we are talking today, which is Troll 2. Troll 2.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

Not Trolls 2.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Not Trolls 2. It's certainly not Trolls World Tour. We're not here to talk about little fun, animated Justin Timberlake and uh what's her face? Anachendrix. Anachendric. I'm just gonna really.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

I need to change all my notes real fast. To Trolls World Tour? No, I'm teaching off of Trolls World Tour. Oh, oh, okay. Stall for like 20 minutes while I'm gonna. Row, row, row, you're like I want everyone to close their eyes, unless you're driving. Yes. And take yourself back to 2010. The year's 2010. Uh, you just got done with band practice, and you head over to your friend Sam's house, and he says, dude, I got I got the sick game, and we sit down and we play on his pirated Xbox. We play Mortal Kombat 9. Great. We we unlock the toasty thing for the first time. We're freaking out, we're so excited. And then he's like, hey, hold on. Have you ever seen Troll 2? I'm like, Wow, 2010 was your first experience.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

Yeah, it was my first viewing.

SPEAKER_03 4:50

16 years old. Holy Yuck.

unknown 4:53

Ah!

SPEAKER_05 4:54

Gross! 2010. It was 16 years ago. Disgusting.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Gross, I have a whole baby now. That's wild. And you sit down on the bedroom floor of your buddy Sam's house and you watch the beautiful, blissful, filmed in Utah master fee masterpiece that is Troll 2.

SPEAKER_02 5:12

Troll 2. Life-changing experience. And Derek, since all these this decade, over a decade ago since you've watched that, how many times have you watched this movie?

SPEAKER_03 5:21

I've probably watched this movie like 10 times. This movie is the So, okay. First off, this movie has been recommended to us so many times.

SPEAKER_02 5:30

There's a big reason why we have chosen for our special 100th episode. This is the episode to bring in Troll 2 because all of you freaks out there love Troll 2.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

And listen, it makes sense. And and people, horror fans, not horror fans, every single person I tell that not every single person, but like a coast every person. I'm like, hey, I have a horror movie review podcast. Don't make fun of me. I'm a white guy who talks to a camera and a microphone. Uh they respond with, have you watched Troll 2?

SPEAKER_02 5:57

Truly, like it is so well known throughout all of the masses that like people, people, it is synonymous with bad movie, and there's a whole documentary about it called the best worst movie. Yeah. So there's a like canonically, it is like like the pinnacle of like good bad movies.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

So like I I knew what was going on here. And I I think back to my original point, it is like the perfect icebreaker movie when you're like, hey, have you ever watched bad horror before? Yeah. Like, I'm not gonna turn on Bird Demic because Bird Demic gives a bad impression of it. Because that movie has no like practical effects and nothing fun.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

That one's not quite as enjoyable for the entire feature-length movie, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:30

That movie's just bad. There's no such thing as a bad movie.

SPEAKER_02 6:32

Because there's a lot of movies that are like that where it's like, this movie's so funny, it's like it's so bad, it's funny. However, when you sit there for about maybe 20 minutes, you realize, oh, there's still like over an hour left in this movie. The gimmick has died, and I'm tired of it. This movie at least keeps you going. Certainly does. And so it is a great icebreaker movie. Derek is exactly right. So now I want you to close your eyes again, unless you're driving. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

Oh, I'm driving.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Oh no. Uh or if you're operating like a forklift or something, don't close your eyes either.

SPEAKER_03 7:00

I'm driving one of those big things that like cranes.

SPEAKER_05 7:02

Derek, please, no, come on.

SPEAKER_03 7:03

Oh, I just killed seven.

SPEAKER_05 7:04

Why did we decide to put the podcast in a submarine today?

SPEAKER_03 7:07

No, but it's a submarine.

SPEAKER_02 7:09

This is this is take yourself back to like 2019? 2019, 2020?

SPEAKER_04 7:14

2021.

SPEAKER_02 7:15

You make a great new friend. His name is Derek. 2019. Yeah, gotta be 2019. You make a good new friend named Derek, and he brings me over to his house and say, Oh, have you ever watched this movie? Oh, you haven't seen Troll 2? We need to watch this. Check out these scenes.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

And I I took your shoes and I put them on the ground and I used a screw. Yeah, you screwed up. A drilled your shoes into the ground.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

And I was stuck there for 15 hours. He made me watch this movie again and again. Actually, he didn't. So he actually just showed me like the best parts of the movie, like some of some of the more quotable bits of it.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

I I do this thing with our friend with with my with my friends, where I'm like, hey, I can't dedicate the time for you to watch this bad movie, but I need you to see certain movies, certain scenes. Like I've done it for you with like Madam Webb. Yes. Because there were like specific scenes in Madame Webb that I was like, I sat through. Anyway, yeah, like bodies, bodies, bodies.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

You did that one too. And it's really great because like you you connect pretty well with people and their tastes and what they're are going to enjoy and not. So you're like, you don't need to waste your time on this. Let me just show you what you need to see. And so, or also sometimes you're just like, I don't want to bother, I don't want to take all your time with this movie. Because Trolls is much more fun than I would say either bodies, bodies, bodies or madam wet.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Yeah, for the other couple movies. Bodies, bodies, buddies. Yeah, yeah. But the I did have two specific scenes that I had to show you, and we'll we'll go over those.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

Yeah, we'll get into those.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

But it's now you've seen the whole thing.

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Yeah, because that's funny because I I it was so long ago that I thought I had seen all of it, but then I realized, oh no, I have not seen this movie beginning to end. So I was pretty excited to get to finally christen myself as a bad horror movie fan, finally watch the pinnacle of these movies. It is troll two. Dude. With absolutely no trolls inside of it. Now, Derek. Derek, tell me. This is a sequel. It is troll two, it's right there, it's the second one, right? So, did we watch Troll One? Did we did we did we do our homework beforehand?

SPEAKER_03 9:04

So the the Gallo universe of filmmaking, which is like Italian films, they have this. I guess you knew about this a little bit more than I did, where they have this practice of like the sequels to movies aren't necessarily anything to do with the first one.

SPEAKER_02 9:19

A huge thing within like the Italian market of cinema, like the Hollywood of Italy, is basically like there's a success of a movie, and so it was a pretty common practice to basically make another movie and just say it was the sequel to something, so that way you would automatically sell sequets to see this, right? Where it's like, oh yeah, we made Evil Dead 5. And it's like, okay, cool, now people are gonna go buy it, buy tickets and go see it, even though it's not actually connected or related to it at all. You can just say shit like that.

SPEAKER_03 9:50

So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about Troll 1 from 1986, mostly because it's hilarious, not because it has anything to do with Troll 2.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

And I have never seen this movie. So Derek has.

SPEAKER_03 10:08

Yeah, absolutely. What is she famous for? Famously, it's it's not not for being transphobic.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Okay, well, absolutely. We don't like her for that. Is it for having black mold in her house because she's so evil it emanates out of her and into her living space? How did you find out about that? No, it's um, it's Harry Potter. It's Harry Potter, right? That's the one. Sandy guy.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Did you know that she stole that entire plot from the 1986 film Troll? Tell me more, Derek. So Troll from 1986, I really need to. When was Harry Potter won? Was it like 91?

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Let's find out.

SPEAKER_03 10:41

Troll did Harry Potter winning.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Right, Harry Potter. I'm gonna be really mad if I'm wrong. Let's see.

SPEAKER_03 10:55

So let me take you back once again. You are sitting in J.K. Rowling's basement, and your son walks in. She has all her goblins living in her basement, and she says something awful about uh someone in the LGBTQ community. Uh, and then the son is like, Mom, check out this movie, and it's Troll One. And that movie stars the Potter family, Harry Potter Sr. and Ann Potter, with their 14-year-old son Harry Jr. And a 10-year-old daughter, Wendy Potter.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

Classic HP character, Wendy Potter.

SPEAKER_03 11:28

Attacked by a grotesque little creature who looks an awful lot like a Green God's wizard, uh Green God's goblin, wielding a magic ring. He's literally a way a wizard troll who takes the little sister on as an apprentice. Whoa.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

So I And he is a wizard.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

He's a wizard. Yeah. Uh yeah. Uh Eunice St. Clair is a mysterious older woman who Harry Jr. goes and talks to. Oh, he is a witch. Long ago, she and a powerful wizard named Torok were in love.

SPEAKER_02 11:59

Torok?

SPEAKER_03 12:00

Anyway. Wow's us. The main point is there's a whole lot of Harry Potter there.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:06

Uh Harry Potter Jr. actually redirects here. For Alvis Severus Potter, the son of fictional Potter, Harry Father Potter, you can go watch the other ones. I remember you got what I was trying to do. It's uh it's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

But yeah, so this movie is not actually really connected to troll at all. In fact, the original running title for this movie was Goblins. Yep. And it seems like really there was even though like you you told me Troll 1 in 1986 is not that like well reviewed. It's only at like a 26%.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

However, the reviews for the original. Oh my goodness, I just lost it. Uh the reviews for the original one were not good, but it had a 2.5 million budget adjusted for inflation and made$5.5 million. That's it. It made three million dollars.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

So truly, it does feel like they just pivoted and said, hey, this movie, it's close enough. A goblin is basically a troll. We can just call it the sequel to this and make money. Which uh we never got a theatrical release, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Years and years and years ago, we watched a movie Ghoulies, and it actually was done by the same uh uh the the effects. The effects were all done by the same. Oh, neat. All but done by the same guy. Didn't know that. Uh so I actually found there is some people accusing J.K. Rowling. So I'm just gonna read this passage from similarity to Harry Potter on the Wikipedia page. Since the release of the Harry Potter books releasing in 1997, some of those involved in the film have accused J.K. Rowling of borrowing elements from Troll. Uh producer Charles Brand stated in an interview that there are certain scenes in Troll, not to mention the name of the main character, who which predate the Harry Potter books by many years. John Bookler's partner in the Troll remake, Peter Davy, said about Harry Potter, in John's opinion, he's the first cre he created the first Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling says the idea just came to her. Just came to her. You lying sack of trash. She totally watched a super obscure movie that made$5.5 million. So it wasn't that obscure and was like, I'm gonna make a book. She's trying to sweep it under the rug there.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Nice try, J.K. Rowling. You gotta get up a little earlier to pull one over Mr. Troll himself over here.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Let's be honest though, Troll did a significantly worse than Harry Potter.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

But I would love to see J.K. Rowling versus Mr. Troll. Like that would be a wonderful movie. That would be really, really fun. I'd like to watch that one. So what's the difference between a goblin and a troll?

SPEAKER_03 14:32

Can I guess? It's like uh short and tall. In some regards, it kind of does boil down to that. But also it depends on what universe you're in, because sometimes the troll's the short one, and sometimes the goblin's the short one.

SPEAKER_02 14:42

I mean, truly, because like if you look at DD versus anything else, I can't think of anything other than DD. Lord of the Rings. Science fiction. Like very different goblins within those two things, right? Or even Harry Potter is very different goblins, right? So let's talk the etymology of goblin versus troll. So the etymology of goblin is derived from the German kobold or the French old French goblin, suggesting a connection to mischief. Whereas the etymology of troll originates from the old Norse troll, meaning giant or demon, indicative of their fearsome nature. So it really kind of does come down to size. Because like usage in literature with the goblins, it says they're often used to describe a variety of small, cunning, fairy-like creatures. Trolls typically refer to larger, monstrous beings, often lacking intelligence.

SPEAKER_03 15:25

So the trolls, like the little trolls, they just don't know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

They don't know what they're doing. What's that about? They're so they're wrong.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

Take that, Anachendrick.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Take that anacendric.

SPEAKER_03 15:35

I I I got some beef with you. It's like that TV show beef. Alright, so let's talk about Troll 2 now. I would love to. I I've been waiting literally a hundred episodes.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

We literally have like we talk about it often when it comes time to like picking our next movie. We're like, is it time? Is it troll two time? Like we're just we're not ready. It's not the time for it yet. No, and nothing. So we we're coming in with different knowledges of it, which is really fun because Derek has obviously a long history with this movie. I have a much more recent history with it. Derek knows Troll the Original, which is not necessarily connected to this movie. We don't even need to talk about that movie. I also have watched the documentary called The Worst, The Best Worst Movie, which funny enough is it's the child actor of the movie grew up and made a documentary about this movie. And it's really interesting. It doesn't actually give you a lot of like background or further knowledge into what went into making this movie too much. However, it does kind of show you like the lives of a lot of the actors, where they ended up, how they feel about the movie. And more than that, it goes into like their reception, seeing and going to like these screenings that were all over the world. They were in like Ontario, out in the UK, they were in Texas, in New York, in San Francisco, all of these screenings. Because this movie, I don't know if you know this, if you were not aware Troll 2, it is a phenomenon in like the cult classic world.

SPEAKER_03 16:51

Yeah, it's right up there with Rocky Horror Picture Show. And actually, there are there are double features that you can see in some places where they film, where they show them back to back.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Well, they put the both of them. Yeah, it is really, really well loved, but not for any of the reasons any of them intended for. So I'll try to sprinkle throughout the movie like knowledge that I gleaned from that uh documentary because it is it is pretty interesting and there's some fun facts in there.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

I watched it, but I watched it in like right after I saw the Troll 2 for the first time.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

It was in like 2011. Because yeah, that documentary came out in 2009. Yeah. This movie is from 1990 if we haven't mentioned that already. Uh the movie is from 1990. 1990. If we haven't mentioned that 90. But Derek, it is time. Tell me some shit about Troll 2. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Uh, dude, this movie is wild. So uh Bilbo Bartender actually told us in the intro that it was filmed in Utah, and that is absolutely true. That's so true. It's an Italian movie filmed in Utah. Um, we are located in Utah, so that was kind of exciting for us. We've driven through the mountains where this movie was filmed.

SPEAKER_02 17:48

Truly the best pick for us.

SPEAKER_03 17:50

It a bunch of it was filmed in Park City where Sundance took place until this year, but it doesn't work.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

It was very jarring to see a lot of moments where like I could see the mountains in the background. I'm like, I know these mountains, I've seen these. It's so strange.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

We have a cabin up near where one of a couple of the scenes were actually filmed. You got a cabin up in Nilbog. We we drive through Hebrew City all the time. Why I'm currently in a show right now who the director lives in Hebrew City where a few of these scenes are filmed. Crazy. So it's kind of fun. Um, so Troll 2. Oh my goodness. I can't believe I'm here.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

I'm like nervous. It's so exciting. Can't believe I'm here. We finally hit this movie.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

So Troll 2 is a 1990 B horror, dark fantasy, supernatural horror film. Not a comedy. Not a movie. Very serious. How dare you for you say single way? Uh this was directed and written by Claudio Fragasso and Roselia Druidi. Yeah, his wife is the one who wrote this one. Uh Rosella actually passed away last year. Wow. Goodness. Your work will live on. It certainly will. Your work will live on. Uh so Claudio Fragasso didn't write most of the movie. Actually, his wife, Rosella, wrote most of the movie. Yeah. Um, and I you were telling me that part of her inspiration from the movie came from the fact she was annoyed with everyone being vegetarian.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

It's so funny. There's a bit in the documentary where she's in like the middle of some cool alleyway in Italy, and she's talking about how like her main inspiration for why she wrote this story the way she did was apparently all of her friends kind of simultaneously decided they were going to be vegetarians. Insane. And it pissed her off. She was so annoyed. All of her friends acting like they were better than her because they were swearing off meat and they wouldn't stop talking about it. So she basically made vegetarians the villains of this movie. So this is truly an anti-vegetarian movie.

SPEAKER_03 19:39

So the director, Claudio, he's actually kind of a fun enigma. Um, he has a couple aliases.

SPEAKER_02 19:47

So he has Yes, he wrote this one, or like he directed this one under an alias.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

He did. He directed it under Drake Floyd. Yep. Um, he also has the alias of Clive Clyde Anderson. Uh the funny thing about that is he wrote the screenplay for Terminator 2. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Again, another sequel. Another sequel to something. I think he has more in there too that are like.

SPEAKER_03 20:10

Yeah, he's got a bunch of them. The most of them just don't matter. Like Strike Commander 2. I don't know what that is. Ratchet Knights of Terror.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

Zombie 3 is technically the sequel to a sequel, in a way.

SPEAKER_03 20:23

That's insane. I don't know what that would be. I don't know what Zombie 3 is. I don't am I bad? Am I bad?

SPEAKER_02 20:28

No, it's just funny, it's just funny to me because Zombie, Lucha uh Fulci's Zombie, is technically just zombie singular. However, it was technically made as Zombie 2 as the re-release to I want to say Dawn of the Dead. It was another thing where like that was popular. So like we're gonna make a zombie movie, and it's the sequel to that one. But now it's just regular zombie, but then there's also zombie three, so it's a weird situation. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

Uh it kind of seems like his wife did most of his writing for him. Because she is also right. Ever since it came out that he was uh under an alias, it has actually come out that she wrote most of Terminator 2.

SPEAKER_01 21:04

Oh, that tracks.

SPEAKER_03 21:05

So that's crazy. This feels right. Also, that's insane. Can we just talk for a second about how freaking crazy this Terminator 2, or I guess the woman behind it, came from the people behind Troll 2.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Like, how much people talk about this? Like, please look up Terminator 2. Who were the other writers for this movie? Like, is it as like a large team of people? Are we talking like two to three people that were in this movie?

SPEAKER_03 21:29

I'm looking, I'm looking.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

What's really interesting about this is like it completely makes sense because at the time of filming Troll 2, the the two of them, the the Italian couple, hardly spoke any English at all, and really were not very helpful in the translation into English for all of the actors in it. So that makes sense as to why a lot of the dialogue in this movie really doesn't make sense. There are several instances within within the movie where a lot of the actors would come to Claudio, the director, and say, Hey, can we change this line to be a little bit more like this? This is like This is just kind of more how Americans would talk. And him with this thick Italian accent is like, I know how Americans talk. He's like, I know Americans. This is how they talk. Do the line like that. They refuse to let any of them ad lib anything. They just would not let them stop or change any of it. Holy shit, it's only the two of them as the writers for Terminator 2, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 22:17

Isaac. Isaac. Yo, what's up? It's not the real Terminator 2. What? It's a fake Terminator 2.

SPEAKER_05 22:25

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 22:26

Look at the cover.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Okay, so new development here. As I was looking through James Cameron.

SPEAKER_02 22:31

This is hot off the presses right here.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

As I was looking through James Cameron's Terminator 2, searching desperately for Claudio, uh, come to find out it is not the same Terminator 2. There is another Terminator 2 Judgment Day.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

No, the official the real name of this movie is actually Shocking Dark.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

Oh?

SPEAKER_02 22:50

Also known as Terminator 2, Terminator 2, Aliens 2, Alienators, and Contaminator.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

So my guy, he, the little bastard, he was like, I'm gonna do it and name it Terminator 2 to try and get on the toes of Terminator 1. That's it's it. He tricked me for half a second. I was so confused.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

It's like a total ripoff. Look at this guy's got like this like cybernetic prosthetic on his face. If you look up the poster, it looks like Arnold.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

Exactly like Arnold. It doesn't look exactly now that I know I'm like, oh wait, hold on. It doesn't say judgment day. Oh my goodness. This is so I've been betrayed.

SPEAKER_02 23:28

This is a hilarious development. My ghost development. I couldn't, I couldn't have wished for something so fantastic. Kind of a genius, honestly. This is better than Harry Potter being so. And again, this works. Can we talk real quick about real life situation here? So I went to go see the movie The Bride out in theaters. Yes. Are we gonna out me? It's just fun. So I just I went to go see, I went to go see the bride, had a great time seeing that, and I really recommended Derek Salah. Unfortunately, he's a father now. It's not as easy for him to go out and see movies in the theaters as much as he wants to, right? No. But also he's got a wonderful bundle of joy, so who cares? Um, but so he has to watch some of his movies at home, right? So we're trying to find a place to watch the um the the bride, right? Somewhere online. And there are some sites you can find things at, right? You can watch movies. There is a fun development in the uh in the world of watching movies on some fun sites online, yeah. Where people will post it saying, Hey, here's the bride. You can watch Maggie Gyllenhaal's The Bride, and you click on it hoping and wishing to watch the bride, and instead, what are you met with, Derek? Frankenstein's Bride. Close.

SPEAKER_03 24:36

Close. By Erica Duke. Uh so the funniest thing about this is it's if you look it up on Letterboxd, all of the reviews are like, guys, I got an hour into this before I was curious where Maggie Gyllenhaal was. Like, how can you go that deep? Many people. But it's actually like kind of brilliant. This production company, so then I was on the same site and I saw the mummy on there. And I was like, Lee Cronin's the mummy, I'm seeing that tomorrow. That's crazy. There's already an HD version of it. I click on it, same exact production company had replaced the actual movie with their own mummy.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Weirdly enough, it's another bride one, so it's like the mummy's bride. But again, they got us a second smart. Pretty smart. But so it's it's basically a similar concept to what's happening here. We're like, oh yeah, no, it's Terminator 2. Wink. Wink super isn't. They just duped us into watching their movie.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

I just want to say, I just want to throw this out there. I spend a lot of money on movies. I support the arts. I have a subscription to Citemark. I usually buy movies. I just bought two copies of Nirvana. I mean, if you look behind us and you're watching the video here, there's so much physical media. I spent so much money, I just wanted to watch a movie that wasn't out of it. Just trying to watch a movie, okay? Just trying to watch a movie. Just one time. You're all j you're all I'm gonna do. No, please don't. Take him away. I'm actually a good guy. I'll pay. He's a great guy. He's got to take care of his game. Give me Maggie Gyllenhall's number. I'll call her and give her 20 bucks. Call her and apologize profusely.

SPEAKER_05 25:57

I'm sorry, Maggie Gyllenhall.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Um, Troll 2. Yeah, so let's let's get back into it. It's actually funny. Um so Claud Claudio Fragasso. Um, he's actually worked with Alice Cooper. I'm sorry?

SPEAKER_02 26:15

Come again, Derek? So he What a life this guy has lived.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

We should we should look into this movie. Uh he did this movie called Monster Dog, it's a Spanish horror film. And Alice Derek uh is 1984. It's a Spanish horror film. Alice Cooper actually plays the lead the lead in it. Um he plays a rock star who returns to his hometown, which everybody's getting bit by dogs.

SPEAKER_05 26:42

He looks like shit. What do they do to him?

SPEAKER_03 26:45

I don't know, man.

SPEAKER_05 26:46

Alice Cooper, what have they done to me?

SPEAKER_03 26:48

Unfortunately, it is another situation that it came out his wife wrote like all of it. Oh man.

SPEAKER_02 26:54

At least that's that's out and in the open and not like a secret, I suppose.

SPEAKER_03 26:57

Yeah, I don't know if it ever was a secret. The the world, I think he it was I okay. The the less cynical version of me is like, I think that we they unfortunately lived in a time where men who weren't Italian got more Spanish, Spanish, Italian, Italian, got more attention from the Americas um than a woman who is Italian. Yeah. No, this tracks. So so in 1984, that was the way to get a movie out.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

And they they got a few of them out, including this wonderful film, Troll 2, What a Time Monster Duck. I love I I had a great time. I'll tip my hand a little bit here. It was a it was a wild ride, tell you what.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

So the Rotten Tomatoes for this movie are currently at 13% for the critics and 45% for the audience, which uh it's going up. It used to be like 0%. I think we talked about this movie three years ago.

SPEAKER_02 27:49

Yeah, it was known for being like a 0% movie. Then it slowly moved up to like 6%. Now we're looking at 13. Yeah, we're gonna get to 100% one day. It's like we made it to 100 episodes. It's because you know what? The fans of this movie are now becoming actual critics, and then they're liking this movie. It's true. We're gonna kick out all those loser critics that don't understand. They wouldn't understand talent if it bit them on the butt.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

If it bit them on the troll. Another movie named Troll 2 just came out last year, which is apparently good. Really? It's that movie about those like people hunting trolls. Oh, that's right. They're like troll hunters. Um, I just saw my letterboxed is at a one star for this movie. I will be changing. I think that's gotta change. It's going to be changing. Well, I haven't watched it since I've been reviewing.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

God, it's so funny if you look at the ratings graph on Rotten Tomatoes. It's like one and one and a half stars, there's a lot. Then there's a lot of nothing in the middle, and then like the five stars skyrocket.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

So letterbox is sitting at a 2.3, IMDB is at a 3.0. So this is the funnest part, though. This movie was filmed for$100,000. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

There's also some weird reports of it being filmed for like way more than that. And it's like, where the h how? Probably the mafia.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Where does it all go? We've we've talked about this before. The mafia loved getting their hands in a film. This is true. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_02 29:02

The mafia of Big Monday getting their hands on movies again, getting their hands on the trolls. Big Monday, get out of here. Can you imagine a troll mafia member? Hey, it's me. I'm in the mafia now. You want to eat this green biscuit?

SPEAKER_03 29:14

Sug, put it in the. I'm also in the mafia.

SPEAKER_02 29:17

Well, it's I can't believe we're two trolls in the mafia. Oh no, I'm turning into lettuce. No, don't turn into lettuce, I'll have to eat you. Jerry, no, I can't eat you. I can't stop the hunger.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Wait, take care of my lettuce children. No, please. I have two oils of lettuce.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

I'll eat them too. Okay. Don't, Jerry, don't leave. Oh God, he ate me. That was the world's worst bit. Did you know goblins are vegetarians? That is a huge huge plot point of this movie. In this movie.

SPEAKER_03 29:44

This movie had a hundred thousand dollar budget. It grossed just under$2,000.

SPEAKER_02 29:49

It never really had like a real theatrical release. It was like straight to straight to video. And even not even then. Yeah. The weirdest thing is a lot of this cast didn't even see this movie until way after it got released. There are some people, because again, it was filmed in Utah. A lot, if not all, of the actors in it were all local actors. So there were a few actors who were on their missions, their Mormon missions. That's crazy. When they get the call, it's like, hey, your movie came out, by the way. I saw it. It was dog shit. Why were you so horny in it?

SPEAKER_03 30:15

You're a Mormon boy.

SPEAKER_02 30:16

You're a Mormon boy. What's wrong with you? We're removing you from your mission. Get out of there. ASAP. It was also, there was the um the little kid in it. What was his name? He was a child in the movie. His name was Joshua in the movie, but his real life, honest to God, Christian Mormon name was Michael Paul Stevenson. He watched this movie. It's kind of cute and also kind of so sad. He watched this movie because it was Christmas Day, Christmas morning. He's opening all his presents. The very last present was this little rectangular box. He opens it up. It's a VHS copy of Troll 2, pops it in the player, and he said within like 20 minutes, he was like, My career aspirations went out the window. They were gone. And his father says, This movie is terrible.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

Oh no. But then he went on to make the documentary.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Yeah, exactly. He he actually, I think, is the only one that really went on to do a couple other things. Nothing. He was in touch by an angel. Yeah, one episode. He did a few other things, but yeah, he he made it out pretty okay. But yeah, there are some people who like didn't even see the movie till it was like being played on HBO and they were getting calls being like, Hey, you're on TV, and they're like, Hey, I know, stop watching it. The biggest one and like the focus point of the documentary is George Hardy, who played the father in this movie. He loves to talk about the fact that he was in this movie. He just like is the type like, hey, have you seen Troll 2? Oh, you're missing it. You really need to see it. And this I do this scene where I tell the kid, You can't piss on hospitality. I won't allow it. I can't tell you how many times within this one documentary he quoted that one bit. You can't piss on documentary. You can't piss on hospitality.

SPEAKER_03 31:46

It's true. I'm gonna start yelling that at people.

SPEAKER_02 31:50

There's a lot of deeply quotable parts of this movie that we will get into when we start discussing this movie because that God, we just gotta get it. We gotta tell you all about it. Yeah, dude. But do you have any other info for us on this movie? Huh? Nothing. All right. Oh, oh, wait. Oh, I did have one.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

Oh I had one more factoid. Whoa, whoa. I had one more factoid.

SPEAKER_02 32:07

So you had something about the soundtrack, right?

SPEAKER_03 32:09

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. So um this movie was composed entirely by Carlo Marlito Carlo Maria Cordio.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

Who, by the way, is completely silent in the documentary, which was so funny. Everyone else was talking, talking, talking. He let the music speak for him.

SPEAKER_03 32:23

He didn't have to say a damn word. This movie was played entirely on a rolling D50 and a Korg 1 M1 synthesizer. And that's it. Yep.

SPEAKER_04 32:32

So you may notice when you're listening to the movie, it's all just like it's great.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

It sounds awesome. The soundtrack really does stand out in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 32:43

But I just thought that was really fun. Then it's like he literally just scored it sitting and watching the movie and like just played the piano.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

There's literally a part of it that's that's like a sped-up version of a demo track that existed within the Korg itself already. That's awesome. It's so fun. Derek, do you want to talk about some of the reviews? What are people thinking about this movie? Oh sure. Yeah. So uh I've got here, I've got uh Brian Bissesi from Horror Movie Club Podcast. I've never checked out that podcast. Maybe I should. Um, while Troll 2's blows sorry, it's a four out of five on Rotten Tomatoes, while Troll Two's blemishes are part of its appeal, the film still manages to be fun, entertaining, and inventive for reasons outside of its quote unquote badness.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

It's a very good, bad movie. So Ken Hankey of Mountain Express has a what I thought said five out of five, but it's actually a point five out of five. Oh my. There are movies that are bad. There are movies that are so bad they're good, and then there's Troll 2. A movie that's so bad that it defies comprehension. Now listen, I think. I think I've seen movies worse than that.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

I that's the thing. That's I I've certainly for this podcast, I've seen movies way worse than that.

SPEAKER_06 33:46

Maybe not in when in the time when this movie came out.

SPEAKER_02 33:49

Uh I've actually got another 0.5 here, 0.5 out of 4, with uh James Kendrick, who says, No description of it can quite contain its misguided ludicrousness or the way its infinite and varied sins against the traits of good cinema combined to produce one of the worst, the most uproarious, unintentional comedies ever made. Insane. Wow. Thank you, James Kendrick from Q Network Film Desk.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

And then I have Nick Schrager from Lessons of Darkness with a D minus. It's rare to find Why are there so many different rating systems on Rotten Tomatoes? Because everyone wants to be different. I don't understand. Everyone just used numbers. It's rare to find a film with such an agonymous reputation actually living up to the hype. Interesting. Someone gives it a D minus, obviously, would use big words.

SPEAKER_02 34:35

Yeah, obviously like that. So Derek, let's talk about what we were thinking about it, right? Should we dive into our expectations? Let's let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 34:40

It's time.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

Let's tell you what we were expecting going into this. This movie was hard for me to write expectations together. Well, you've been watching it for 16 years at this point.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Yeah, I've seen it quite a few times. Yeah. I've shown it to a lot of people. So it was like, I mean, this is one of the first things I did with my wife when we started dating.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

That is like such a easy power move. I know another guy who did that literally, like before like the first date that he had with his now wife. He literally is like, hey, watch this funny YouTube video, them standing in like a parking lot, and he's like, watch this video, and just shows her while holding his phone. You know, people love to do that. You love to show someone a phone video, and somehow she's still married him. What was it? What's that scene? I don't know. I think it might have had something to do with Sonic, maybe. Oh, I thought it was I thought it was Troll 2. No, God, that'd be fantastic. But it's a it's a great test to put someone through. I mean, you put me through the test. I did. Because think, listen, if if you had shown me that movie in the early stages of our friendship, and I was like, Derek, this sucks. Stop showing me this movie. I don't like it. I don't think we'd be here today. I don't know I don't think we would be here on episode 100 of our horror review podcast that we that we love to do. 100. It's crazy. Episode 100. Thank you so much for joining us, by the way.

SPEAKER_03 35:43

How do we celebrate that, man? It's so huge. It's such a big deal, but also it's just another number. It's just another day.

SPEAKER_02 35:50

And in a sense, we've passed 100. Yeah, because we've had several. This is our 100th mainline episode, but we've had a couple of spin-off kinds of things. We had the not so horribles. We had a couple of joke episodes that we did, like holiday specials, that kind of stuff. The time we watched Alien. Like the time we watched Alien. I had a couple episodes of Monsterific. Like we've had a lot of other things going on there. So we're over a hundred episodes by this point. All of these are the episodes. Tons of guests have come and gone. And tons of guests more we will have in the future. Looking forward to that. We got plans in the works in the pipeline.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

We have we have gone through multiple iterations of our format, of our like microphone situation, of our studio. I mean, we originally started crammed around a Yeti microphone.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

It's so funny to me that like when we did that, I remember us listening back to it, like, that sounds pretty good. That sounds great. That's not bad. That's great. Upload it right now. Which, to be fair, in comparison to like some other podcast first episodes, does sound better than those, but still, like going back and listening now, I'm like, what was wrong with this? Why do we think standing around one microphone that picked up so much of the noise in the room would be a good idea?

SPEAKER_03 36:53

I I the first episode is such an enigma to me because I think we we were on the right track. I think so too. And I think we we carried a momentum for a really, really long time, and it all started there. Yeah. Like that first viewing of Slender Man, just really like I don't know, man. It's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

What was so important about it is the fact that we just did it. We just dived in. You were like, Isaac, we're not waiting anymore. We're gonna make a thing, we're gonna make it happen.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

And within three days, we recorded three episodes.

SPEAKER_02 37:18

It's crazy, and now we are at episode 100 talking about Troll 2. So going into this one, I was expecting uh just generally, I was expecting a very good time. I was like, sorry, you cannot convince me this is a bad movie. Yeah. What about you?

SPEAKER_03 37:33

Generally, I was definitely expecting to like have my expectations changed. Like I expected to watch it and be like, yeah, man, that's it. That's it right there. Well, I was kind of having a hard time with my general expectation. Yeah, I have seen this so many times. I was like, how do I even expect?

SPEAKER_05 37:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:49

So my expectations are kind of like, how have my I have not watched this since we've watched our uh started our podcast. And since starting our podcast, we've watched a hundred plus movies that are rated around where Troll 2 is rated. Honestly, most of the movies are between 0% and 40% of Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah. So like my opinion of B movies has changed. Totally. I have a lot more respect for the movies, I have a lot more respect for what goes into them, and I have a lot more like patience and understanding of these movies as well.

SPEAKER_02 38:20

That was another thing, like after watching the documentaries, like seeing like these are people, you know? Like they really nobody in this movie was coming through trying to make a comedy, silly, bad B movie, right? All of them really thought they were making something real. And so, like, it was kind of really sad to see like some of them again talking about like how they there was a reception that was awful. They would read these reviews and be like, this movie's not only bad, but you're bad in it. You're a bad actor, you're terrible. I hate that. And it really breaks you. So, like, even though, even though like I knew I was going to enjoy this movie very much, I still wanted to approach it and be like, you know, people put their effort into this, they spent hours and days, like three, it took three weeks to film this movie, and they put in the time and effort to to put it all together. And I think that's wonderful and definitely worth celebrating no matter what happens.

SPEAKER_03 39:03

And I guess that's what I was trying to say is like over the last hundred episodes, I've grown a appreciation for film. Totally. That I never I didn't ever have before. That was like dog shit we watched sometimes. Even the dog shit we watched. I mean, we we talked a little bit about that with Brett Bentman when we interviewed him, the the director of of some of that style of Massacre Betty Betty's Revenge. Betty's Revenge. If you haven't listened to that interview, definitely check that out. It was episode 99. Um, but we talked about that a little bit where it was like every movie comes from somewhere. Exactly. Every movie doesn't just appear out of nowhere.

SPEAKER_02 39:36

And I have m so much respect for any movie that exists. Because like, I'll admit I've sat there a few times and been like, oh, that'd be a cool idea to do something like that. And I'd like that's never gonna leave my brain. But like people get up and get out and make the thing and make a lot of things. Those years ago. All those years ago. So uh, should we should we get into our formal expectations here? My uh my first expectation was that the actors are are gonna be really trying their best. I know it's gonna be actors who like it's that type where it's like, oh, you sweet thing. Well, sweet. You really think you're doing what you should. I know you really think, but it's it ain't it ain't it, dog. That's not it. However, that is always better than an actor who's trying to act like they're in a B movie. Because it's like it's like we've talked about how camp cannot be like sought. You cannot achieve camp by trying to be camp. Yeah. Like, think of all the best camp quote unquote movies, they are all done in complete series, not maybe not seriousness, but like they are not intending to be. Yes, exactly. They're earnest in their approach to it, right? And and they at least have like some heart to it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a it's it's it's intentional, not trying to be something that it can never be, right? It is weirdly unattainable in a sense. So it's like I feel like it's gonna be something like that. I love the fact that like they are actually giving it their all, and that is why you can't remake, you can't do this again. It's lightning in a bottle. We can never make another troll too.

SPEAKER_03 40:55

It's true.

SPEAKER_02 40:56

And they tried, actually. They sure did. There is a there is a official, unofficial new movie that came out in 2019 that also stars George Hardy, the father in this movie, called Under Control with two L's. Control. So we watched a trailer for that one. It looks absolutely bonkers. There's a- I still think we should watch it. I think we should, honestly. It's there's a new troll in it who's like possessing people this time. It's it's a whole can of worms. But I say that was my first expectation was actors really trying their best.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

Um, my first expectation is I'll enjoy this more than I did the last ten times. I really do think so. I think that I would I was thinking I would sit down and I would have just a great time. And I wasn't gonna be thinking about how bad it was. I was just gonna be like, yeah, man, they did this. I mean, listen, it's a special situation because you're sharing it with your child, too.

SPEAKER_02 41:38

I was you're like, wow, this is a bonding moment, me showing with you one of your first bad horror movies that they will definitely remember. She was not having it. I think she was having a great time.

SPEAKER_03 41:48

She was having a great time, but it was because I was eating her belly, silly little baby.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

My next expectation was the dialogue will feel so out of place and wrong, which again was like an expectation that goes into pretty much any poorly written horror movie, but especially the fact that you have to understand it came from an Italian couple, did not speak a lot of English, not only that, but like refused to help on set to like try to translate things or like work with anybody. They refused any interpreters. So literally there was so much hand gestures and the actors being so deeply confused about what was supposed to happen.

SPEAKER_03 42:20

That makes so much sense.

SPEAKER_02 42:21

Which sucks. Like the poor guys, they literally they would say like they would get together on set, because apparently there was it was kind of like a day-by-day kind of basis with the script, and they would get the script for the day, and they would get together, they're like, What the what does this mean? What's going on? What's happening? What are we doing? What are we doing? But so I feel like that like there the dialogue will feel out of place, and there's a there's a reason for that beyond just like poor writing.

SPEAKER_03 42:45

Absolutely. Uh my second expectation, I'll be more forgiving of its pitfalls. Ooh, I like that. Like uh I'll when we watch movies where we tend to be like, oh, here's where this movie failed. But I feel like this time around, I was like, I don't think I'm gonna care at all. Like, yeah, they're gonna be continuityers, yeah. He's not gonna keep his shirt buttoned up. But I think the guy, like, he they're just doing their best. Truly.

SPEAKER_02 43:10

Like they're they're real people just giving it their all. And I think that is that is lovely. I think that's a that's a really fun thing. Uh my next expectation was an effect or two that is better than you'd expect. Yeah. Because I remember like I through the day, I was watching a couple trailers and a couple clips from things, and I remember I was noticing some stuff. I'm like, that's actually not as bad as I thought it was gonna look. There are some effects in your, of course, there's a lot of effects that don't look super good, but there are some that actually do stand up. And again, I'll get on my high horse till the end of time. Practical always holds up. Your movie stands the test of time so much deeper when you go practical with the things. Because you know what will date a movie so hard is like some rough CGI kind of stuff. Is that a high horse Palomino that I hear in the studio?

SPEAKER_06 43:50

It's been so long.

SPEAKER_02 43:51

Welcome back on episode 100. How you been? High horse.

SPEAKER_06 43:54

You put me into high point.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

That's right. For those of you just joining us for the first time, this is our uh wonderful setup. Sentient horse that we have coming in, build us a box when we need to get up on our high horse.

SPEAKER_06 44:06

And I build boxes for you to stand on. There's soap boxes if you didn't get the pun. Of course. And you can do your high horse. I think I'm actually dying, though. I'm very sad.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

Don't you can't, Derek, you can't just kill off high horse without consulting me. Well, I don't think he's actually gonna die. I might die. Oh, oh, sorry. I'm ruining the drama for the show. You're right. We need to have more tension. Please. That's what our editor said. I'm trying to add some more tension in this.

SPEAKER_06 44:30

My contract said if you go 20 episodes without bringing me on, I die. And I think I I don't know. I lost count.

SPEAKER_02 44:37

Our editors also said if you don't come in here, they're gonna have to take you out back and give you the old the old horse tranquil.

SPEAKER_06 44:42

Don't mind these a fight. Look. Clop, clop, clop, clop. Ah, legs broke. Gotta shoot it. Sound a little different, probably. But it's really good to be here.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_01 44:52

Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

Thanks for visiting us. Hi, horse. Love you always. Good to see him. His voice sounded a little different, probably because he hasn't come out in 20 episodes.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

Things happen. What's your next expectation?

SPEAKER_03 45:01

We used to be a characters podcast. We really did. Okay, so if you're listening to this for the first time, this is the first time. Which is very possible because Troll 2 is very popular.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

Yeah, and it's episode 100. I think people I feel like people like to join in on like milestone kind of episodes. But also kind of wild to be like, oh, I've never heard this podcast. I started episode 100. But also, in a lot of ways, I would prefer that over like going back to episode one.

SPEAKER_03 45:21

Yeah, don't start at one. The thing is, is like, I mean, there were times we talked about taking one down.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

But I'm I'm glad we did too. I've never felt that way. You say that, I'm like, nah, one stays forever.

SPEAKER_03 45:31

I I've said that a few times, then I've gone and listened to it and changed my mind. Yeah, yeah. Uh especially because it's like a time capsule now. Of course. But like if you are new here and you jump back to like episode 30, it's different, dog. It's still good, still information, still fun. But it's grow and evolve and change and shift just like a goblin does. Just like a goblin. Isaac keeps getting me back online. Now that is actually pretty close to how the first like 90 episodes were.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:57

Of you like keeping me in the room.

SPEAKER_02 45:58

There's a lot of that. It's like wrangling you.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

But I'm I'm better at that now, dog. You're a grown adult with a kid now. You're super serious. I paid so much taxes. Let's do next. Am I three? Yeah, you're three. You're three. Uh instead of laughing, and I guess all the first three expectations are all the same, but instead of laughing, I'll appreciate the things like the attempt at good cinematography or the prosthetics or the effects and things like that.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

I know. Sometimes within this movie, I feel like it's like all this ragtag team of people that came together against these Italians that were just brutal to them the whole time. Because that's the funniest part. There's a weird bit where within the documentary, they kind of start doing this thing where once they rally enough of the actors together in a room, they just start reenacting some of the scenes just like fight with them in their present day, which was 2009. But then at some point, the director comes to America and is joined with them, and they're still reenacting the scenes. However, while they're doing that, the director is kind of just shouting at them as if they're really filming a movie. He's like, Stop laughing, there are cameras here. You be serious, you need to do this. It's so funny. There's one line where he's quoting a bit between the father and the mother, and the director is playing the mother, he's talking to the father, and he's like, he's saying a line to him, and then the father, George Hardy, he laughs and he's like, No, no, be serious, do this. You're on camera, you need to do this. And so the the George Hardy delivers a line to him. There's a pause, and the director goes, You don't change. You were a dog then, and you're a dog now. And he just George is like, Dad, that was really nice. I'm like, there are some moments where he's like an asshole to him within this documentary, and they just kept it. That's crazy. It's it's very loosely covered in the movie that all of them were like, This guy sucks. I like that. There's actually this one moment that was really funny where he meets uh, I want to say his name was Elliot, the main like love interest teen boy in this movie. Oh, something like that. And they run into each other at like a screening and they hug each other. It's like, ah, you remember me? You yelled at me a lot. Like, that's their. There's actually another, there's a funny moment where, weirdly enough, there are these two guys who were the actors inside of the goblin costumes. They're talking in front of the tower theater that's up in Salt Lake City, which is weird because I'm like, oh my god, I've been in front of that building. And they're talking in like half-talking shit about the director, and he slowly looms in behind them and interrupts and saying, You don't remember the director, do you? They go, Oh, Claudio, good to see you. Oh my god. That's all scares them. But yeah, it's um the director was pretty rough on them, I would say. So they was it was them against him for a lot of this movie. But uh going back to our expectations, because we'll never get through them. My fourth expectation here, um, iconic lines that will go down in history. That was less less of an expectation, more just like, I know it's gonna happen, and I'm so excited to hear those.

SPEAKER_03 48:38

Yeah, for sure. Uh, grandpa's superpowers will be so confusing and befuddling. Oh my god. I I've never watched this movie with uh the intent of dissecting it until today. And so I assumed that with doing that, I'd be more confused by grandpa having superpowers.

SPEAKER_02 48:53

I know I worried the entire time I felt like I was annoying Derek because I kept picking apart on like what, like, really, really, what is happening right now? Like, you this is what they're giving to us on a platter right now. That's what they're telling us, and this is a movie. What the fuck is happening? Yeah, man. Now, Derek, we have one more expectation. We are at expectation five. I think we are together.

SPEAKER_03 49:14

It's so important that episode 100 we bring this back.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

We gotta bring this back. Are you ready? Yeah, dude. It is.

SPEAKER_03 49:19

Kid, actors. Kid, actors, kids, actors, kids, actors. In this movie, you have some kids, and they're trying to act, but they don't know how to act. So they're kids and they're actors, but they don't know what they're doing. So they eat a little biscuit that's full of green, and then there's old men, actors, and there's teachers, but there's not teachers, but there's old men. Actors. Actors.

SPEAKER_04 49:45

Actors. Not actors. Kids. Actors. Not actors.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Thank you. That has been another rendition of Kid Actors Put It on our That Was Horrible album.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

Dude, there's probably like 15 of those.

SPEAKER_02 49:59

There's probably a few of them at this point. It's been a long time. It has been a minute since we've done one of those. I think we've been scared. I've yeah, honestly. Also, it's just been a long time since we've recorded an episode. And it's honestly legitimately been a minute since we've had a movie that's had a kid in a pivotal role in the movie. Is that true? Which is which is funny to me. But yeah, uh Morocca Sounds courtesy of the uh the shakers that exist for Derek's other podcast. Uh describe salt. Go check out my improv podcast. Yeah, it's a fun improv podcast. It's a great time. I'm funny over there. Derek, is it time to some people? Is it time to describe salt? Sorry, that's another podcast. That's another thing. Sorry. Is it time? Kid actors. To describe troll twos. Kid actors.

SPEAKER_05 50:40

One more. Sing that song, I love. Kid actors. Sing that song, boy.

SPEAKER_03 50:45

You got a kid, you got a movie, you got a movie. Uh I think one time we like killed a kid. I think that was like my thing.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Listen, you're the one who has the reins on kid actors.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

You were there.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

I am not as good at improvising on the spot that quick. But I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm tired of not being a vegetarian goblin.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

It's time to get into this movie. And you'd be like, Well, Derek wasn't good at improvising on the spot either. No, I think it's wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 51:08

Kid Actors. It's gonna live on forever, just like Troll 2 does. It really does. Dude, there is something special about this movie that, like, as bad as it is for so many reasons, will be remembered forever. It really will. No matter what happens.

SPEAKER_03 51:21

It's it's it's going on with Harry Potter, man.

SPEAKER_02 51:23

It's special. It's truly special. So we cut right in. Troll 2, immediate action. Welcome to the Princess Bride question mark.

SPEAKER_03 51:30

Literally starts like Princess Bride in every way.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

I mean, it is a grandfather sitting in a rocking chair next to the bed of their grandson telling them a story. And the kid kind of looks like the kid from Princess Bride. And the grandpa's kind of doing a Peter Fault kind of voice, kind of cadence here. But also, right away, we're put into this wonderful field where there's this like Robin Hood-looking kind of guy. He like his clothes are kind of weird. He's got like this Robin Hood-esque hat, but then he's got this like Renaissance-looking kind of costume underneath it. It's very strange. Yeah, dude. Or maybe not like Regency, I don't know, whatever. Um, but so we right out the gate get all the goblins. They are right there. Yeah. And immediately, they're not trolls, they are goblins. Do not expect a single troll in this movie. You will be disappointed. Not one, not two, it's zero trolls.

SPEAKER_03 52:13

It's funny to me that at this point in my life, at this juncture, when I hear troll two, it is synonymous with Neilbog, with goblins. Yes. I don't in my brain have an issue with it being called Troll 2 because it has been and is what it is. Yeah. But I'm now thinking, oh, there are probably people out there that will watch this movie as Troll 2 and are like, where are the trolls? Where are the trolls? I thought I was.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

It's like those people watching that bride movie be like, Where's where's the Jake Dylanhall? Where's Jake Dylanhall? Where's this?

SPEAKER_03 52:45

Where's Christian Mayo? How can someone sit through an entire movie and be like, wait, where are the trolls?

SPEAKER_02 52:49

It's wild to me that you could sit for five minutes in a movie and not be able to grasp this. Is not the movie I intended to watch.

SPEAKER_03 52:56

That story where I started watching the movie that wasn't the thing. How deep did you get? Instantly. Yeah. Because one, camera quality is not consistent. Do people just not pay attention to this kind of stuff? Not budget movie movie. But also, I saw the director pop up and it didn't say Maggie Gyllenhaal, and I went, oh what?

SPEAKER_02 53:15

So something's wrong here.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

Something is a foot. I did that. I did my best uh Discord mod impression. That was very cool.

SPEAKER_02 53:23

Something is a foot. Now say hello, Princess. Hello, Puntas. And I'm done. I'm done with the book. I would like to take a sniff. Back into the movie. We are out in broad daylight. We just got a whole horde of these little little goblins. And can we just talk about the way these little dudes look? It's basically just it's a lot of shorter people, and they're pretty much just in burlap sacks of a costume with these pretty shoddily made, just like grotesque looking caricature goblin-y faces covered in a lot of gray fur around them. The funniest bit about them though, and is this this progresses through the entire movie, almost all of them have these like hollow, dark black eye sockets, which honestly is like kind of looming and kind of scary. There is one goblin that has these giant, bulging yellow eyes.

SPEAKER_03 54:10

He feels like almost like old uh old what's the production company? Old Deuteronomy. No, that's cats, you dumb fuck. That was really mean. I didn't mean that. No, you're good. Um no, what's the what's the thing with the guy with the Star Wars and the the Lucas Lucas films? It felt like old like Lucasfilms slash the not the Jim Hansen Company. Thank you. Good God. There it is, it was gone. But you know what I mean? Like it feels like almost labyrinth-esque in its case. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I wouldn't say it looks as good as Labyrinth. Nothing in this does.

SPEAKER_02 54:48

Yeah, speaking of it, I could not find shit on like who made these creatures and like how any of that processed.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

My theory is they literally just like went to Joanne Fabrics and they were like, okay, we're in Utah. Let's hit up Michaels, Joann's, let's get some big stuff. So they bought some fur, they bought some plastic, and they're like, do it. Or let's just make second theory, goblins are real.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

I was gonna say, I appreciate the theory where they're just like legitimately they found some goblins. This Italian man found a bunch of goblins somewhere, could have been from Italy, could have been somewhere here in America, and said, We're going to make a movie based around these little dudes. We're gonna find a way to make some money off of these guys. Incredible. And honestly, thank God they did because they are hilarious. But yeah, it's just a bunch of little guys in these silly-looking costumes. And unfortunately, there really isn't any moment in this movie where they look like menacing or scary. No, they don't. They just look silly, especially since they see them in the broad daylight all the time. Like, can you imagine? Now, think about this. You make a prosthetic for a movie, you're hired on for a movie like Troll 2, and you're like, hey, I'm gonna make this creepy thing. But I think it'll really work well if we like get these like cool cinematic lighting on them, maybe keep them like mostly hidden away in the dark, and then you get there on set day one. It's like, what the fuck do you mean? It's broad daylight. What are we doing? Can't just show these little dudes in their little ewok robes walking through a flowery field with all these aspen trees. And that's not scary. What do you do? What are you why are you dragging me off set? I have things to say. Guys, hold on.

SPEAKER_03 56:16

I'll let him out of here. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

Not only are the goblins not scary, but also the soundtrack kicks in right over the title Troll 2. And it kind of is a banger, guys. It is a killer soundtrack. This, like, this synthesizer 80s-esque music is honestly really working for me. However, it definitely does not make it so the sequence is scary at all, as they're chasing this character in this book uh that the the grandfather is reading to his grandson. Yeah. But so, yeah, in this story, grandfather's reading to his grandson about how there's this guy, he's getting chased in the woods by these uh these creatures, these goblins. Then he runs into this beautiful woman and she feeds him this like nasty-looking pudding stuff. Derek, what is that? What is that business?

SPEAKER_06 56:55

I am an executive ship.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Yes. Welcome back to That Was Horrible. We've got a segment here called Cooked to Kill with Derek Wayman. Please take it away.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Uh professional resident chef. Tell us about this pudding.

SPEAKER_02 57:07

Well, yeah, sorry. Who you are? Uh Jiffy Jiffy. Welcome back to Cooked to Kill with Jiffy. Jiffy Pup. I can come up with like a cut name to with the alliteration. That's pointless.

SPEAKER_03 57:20

Cooked to Kill with Casey.

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Casey Jiffy.

SPEAKER_03 57:23

Lay it on him. You know my first name? You know my mama. Anyway, uh, so this was obviously some sort of smogish burg or a gulash of sorts. Um I would say that it definitely was made with pudding. Probably of the pistachio variety.

SPEAKER_02 57:42

Okay, yeah, I get that green colouring.

SPEAKER_03 57:46

They give a kind of a murky, murky feeling. Thanks. Yeah, cool. Oh, he's just gone.

SPEAKER_01 57:52

There he goes.

SPEAKER_03 57:53

Thanks for calling him me. Yeah, no. No, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 57:56

You look a lot alike. I'm sorry. I was distracted. There's like these lights in the studio now. It's crazy in here. Um, but so forget his name. He's gonna come back like five times. Casey Giffey, he's got a real name now. He's got a bit in everything, so we'll bring him back later in this episode. We got more food shit to talk about. But so grandpa's telling his son, or not his son, his grandson, the story, right? So we're finished with the story now. Come into the real world, and he's telling him this scary story, kind of scaring the shit out of his grandson. Genuinely. Because the because the grandson's like, Grandpa, you messed up. You said they can do this. Grandpa. You should have said they could do this. He's like, looks him dead in the eyes. He's like, goblins are real. This is a real thing. So then mom walks into the room, and then she looks to the to the rocking chair where grand the grandson, Josh is his name, was looking. It's an empty rocking chair. Grandpa's dead. Grandpa's dead. And listen, I gotta say, that is an early twist that I was not expecting right out the gate. Oh, I love it. It's like such a brilliant twist. So now we're setting up now. Okay, so we've got grandson here, Josh, who is seeing his dead grandfather, and that's interesting. That's crazy. It is pretty wild already. He's hallucinating him, maybe, or he's a ghost. We don't know yet. We don't know all of his capabilities. But mom basically tells him, like, oh, you're being silly. Like, grandpa passed away six months ago, and we just need to talk real quick about this this woman, this actress, and her delivery online. She is all eyeballs. It is so she is all eyeballs. My God, she does not blink ever in this movie. It's it's kind of scary, honestly. But she basically says, like, we're all grieving here. She's like, we're all sad about this. Like, your father, your your sister Holly, and me, his daughter. Like Derek has pulled up the script here. I'm discovering. Do you do you have the bit here from straight from the script here?

SPEAKER_03 59:44

I couldn't find it. I'm sorry. I failed. Scrippy Scripto was let go a long time ago.

SPEAKER_02 59:48

Oh my god, Scrippy Scripto, another character that is that has left us.

SPEAKER_07 59:52

I'm still here. It's good to see you guys.

SPEAKER_02 59:55

And we crush him under heel because he has failed us yet again. I put out my cigarette on Scrippy Scripto. How dare you miss this bit for me? I'm not just stalling so Derek can maybe find the bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:07

Wait. Oh, wait, hold on. Uh, so I didn't find it. But so at the at the towards the end of this, I thought that was a weird when we were watching it, so I did some research. Actually, I tossed it over to Science Jim. Science Jim, you want to come talk about it? Yeah, hey guys, it's me, Science Jim.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

Welcome back to the podcast. Good to have you. Meba how you used to like me. I I like it. Listen, you just got on that the methamphetamines, and then it's kind of hard to get you to focus enough to be on the episode.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:37

There's a baby in the house. I had to get clean.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:39

Gotta clean up your act for the baby. Science Jim, tell me about something.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:43

So in this movie, Grandpa Seth, the grandpa, tells that the little boy that the goblins exist, and he talks about him wearing a sweater that is chlorophyll green. Let's talk about chlorophyll real quick. Because chlorophyll isn't a powerhouse of the cell? No, that's the hydro hypocrite. Shut up. You're the science guy, Jim. Anyway, chlorophyll isn't necessarily a color of green. It's just the natural green pigment in plants. So, like, you stupid guys, they were like, hey, we're just gonna throw the word chlorophyll in here to make them think it's a plant.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:26

Did kind of just make it fancy, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:28

They just said plant green. It's literally just green, anyway. That's all I had. Nature's green. I did a bunch of write-up for your new chef guy, and he'll he'll do it. But it was good to see you. Hey everybody. Uh my voice has also changed over the years. Um, yeah, it was.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:45

We've had very few consistent voices within our characters in here. Well, I think trivia is the only one that stays pretty damn consistent.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:52

I think that that's because you do it and you're better at consistent voices than Derek.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:57

Well, it's just it's just an easier thing that exists. I'm like, I know what that guy sounds like. That's a vampire caricature. Yeah. Well, thank you, Science Jim. So back into this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:09

It's good to see you.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:10

So so now we have we're we're meeting more of this family. We've got the son here, he's hallucinating, maybe his dead grandfather. We've got mom who doesn't really believe him. She goes to talk to dad, who for some reason cannot stop unbuttoning his shirt further and further every time you see the guy. Horny as hell. Every shot is like buttoned up, buttoned down. Buttoned up, buttoned up. But he is one of the actors in this movie that is certainly really trying his hardest. Like he is trying harder than most people in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:39

Dude, this is crazy. So, yeah. We have to talk about this script, please. Please do, please do. For some reason, every all of the parents hate Grandpa Seth. The both mom and dad, they're like, shut up, little boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:52

There's a weird lack of legit about Grandpa Seth's death. Like, I know it's been six months, but that's still like not to not to mention the fact that we'll get to this in a second, but the plot of this movie is they're about to go on a trip, and the purpose of said trip is kind of to like grieve the loss of grandpa Seth six months later. However, none of them give a shit about this guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:14

That's the case, unless you read the synopsis. Oh. And if you read the synopsis of the film, it's literally that Michael Waits dreams of being a farmer. That's true, so he arranges a home exchange vacation.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:25

That's literally it. Like, I suppose that's in in part it's true because Michael Waits, who's the father, played by George Hardy, he is very excited about this like exchange thing where like they're swapping houses with another family, like they're gonna go live on this farm, and the farm family's gonna go and live at their house for like a month, and he's like, Yeah, we're gonna live like our ancestors, really feel the dirt under our feet, you know, get our fingers in the land. But like, that's not why they're doing this trip.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:48

Okay, so when when when grandpa Seth is there and then not there, uh is it Elliot? It's his name, right? Elliot? The kid. No, Josh is the kid. Joshua. Joshua goes, like, talks to his mom. He tells me stories just like before. And then grand mom's like, Grandpa Seth has been gone for over six months now. You're at the funeral. I know it was I'm doing this with way more emotion.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:11

Yeah, way more inflection than she gave.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:13

You were at the funeral, and I know it's very difficult for you. I'm doing it with more emotion. I don't know how to do it with functionality.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:18

You can't not, you can't tear it off.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:19

I know it was very difficult for you. It was also very difficult for your father, Holly, and me, his daughter. He was an amazing man. Grandpa Seth has remained in all our hearts, but you must banish him from your mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:34

That's exactly where you're like, oh, it makes sense. It really feels like you put a script, like imagine when you take uh take words, put them into Google Translate, then translate them back. Yeah. And that's kind of what happens here. It feels like that. It really makes sense how it was like Italian is.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:48

Banish him from your mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:50

Banish him from your mind.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:52

Crazy. What a way to handle grief. I mean, it's this kid's obviously struggling. He is seeing his like, okay, he's like a wizard who's like talking to his kid. But like the But the parents don't know that from their perspective. My head canon is that they found out that Uncle Seth, that Grandpa Seth was like a bad guy, so they murdered him.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:11

They it feels that way. They're like, stop talking to him. He's gonna tell you we can't. He's gonna figure it out. It's gonna be like John Bonet Ramsay but with a grandpa. So I wish that could be the title. Oh god. John Bene Ramsay but with a grandpa. That would be really funny. Really rude.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:27

John Bonet Ramsay was my grandfather. Oops.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:30

Like that's but that's like really fucking.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:33

We can't name it that. We can't name it that.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:35

We shouldn't even be saying that. That's a little girl who died.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:38

So we're meeting more characters in this, right? We meet the the father is a little bit of a kooky character, but he is also like not buying into the fact that the son is seeing the dead grandfather at this point, right? Then we meet the sister Holly, who, like honestly, upon thinking about it, is the most interesting character in this movie. When we meet her, she is getting jacked. She's sitting there looking. Lifting weights in her room. And I don't know if this is just like a character trait of hers, or if it's just like maybe her way of dealing with the grief of their dead grandfather. But like she is just like pumping iron in this room. And we get a lot of shots around her room of like, oh, she's a teenage girl. She likes posters. And she's got stuffed animals over there. She's got a hat on the wall. Here's a fun poster here. Here's Tom Cruise. Here's Johnny Depp. Here's the Smurfs. The trifecta of the hottest men alive. We got Tom Cruise. There's also Mickey Mouse. Johnny Depp. Mickey Mouse is up in there too. But you remember when Time named the Papa Smurf the sexiest man alive? No, did that happen? No, but I wish it did. Can you imagine? Those blue abs go on for miles, baby. They Papa Smurf is cut. Did you know, actually, that in the original, like to English translation of the Smurfs was just goblins? It was just goblins? That's awesome. So we're talking Papa Smurf and or Papa Goblin and Goblinette. Like that's that's what they were called. Which is funny to me. But the most interesting part about the scene where we meet the sister is that there's a bit where her boyfriend, Elliot, is trying to sneak into her window, but at first, like, has he just not done this before? At first, he goes up to the brother's window and scares him. Then he moves over and he's up at her regular window. Mind you, he has his little group of like four other friends, no, three other friends with him here. He's climbing up to the window, he goes inside, and I think she punches him, doesn't she? Or she like accidentally knees him in the nuts.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:29

Yeah, okay. So I actually have the dialogue here. Yeah, this if you want to read through it with this bit is crazy.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:36

He's do you who do you want to be?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:37

I'll be the girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:38

Okay, so I'll be Elliot. She's Elliot!

SPEAKER_03 1:07:41

What kind of idiotic joke is this?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:43

You scared the shit out of me. I'm the victim of a nocturnal rapture. What the fuck? Keep going. I have to release my lowest instincts with a woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

Release your release your instincts in the bathroom. Are you trying to turn me into a homo? It wouldn't be too hard. If my disc if my father discovers you're here, he'd cut off your little nuts and eat them.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:04

And that's kids. But the funniest part is that's how she says, he cut off your little nuts and eat them.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:10

That's right. But she does it like a like a community theater actor in her first performance.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:15

Unfortunately, her acting in this might be some of the worst in the movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:20

So endearing, though. Every time she talks, I'm like, sweetie, you got it.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:24

She's another part that in the documentary I felt so bad about because she like really was down about like, she's like, it was so bad. And she said there were some times where she tried to continue her career as an actor, and some casting directors would be like, weren't you in that troll too? And she said, as soon as she said that she could tell she wasn't getting cast in that movie. Which just sucks, but like if you watch this movie, you can kind of tell. It makes sense. That's too bad. But so moving on, we've we've kind of already established the plan right now is that they're doing this weird cultural exchange thing where them and another family are going to swap homes for an entire month. Yep. So they're going out to this one wonderful town. Derek, what's the name of that town? Nilbog. That's funny. Hey, have a little fun play along at home game here. I want you to take, unless you're driving, don't do this. Take anything, write the word nilbog on it. Then do you know how many paper and pen just like dip a little knife in your finger? Yeah, just envision it in your head. Get real good at imagining this and spinning the word nilbog in your head over and over again. Take it, put it in a mirror. What's nilbog backwards, Derek?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:24

Uh gob goblin.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:26

It's goblin backwards. Oh, it's goblin. Nilbog is goblin backwards. Which is like not the most complicated thing, but also if you had a secret society and you were trying to keep yourselves hidden away from the public eye, why would you just take the name, flip it backwards, and like call it a day? Yep, town's name Nilbog.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:44

So they were so proud of this that they like there's a whole scene where Elliot, not Elliot, where uh Josh Joshua discovers this. And it bothers me that they gave it away. I wish they just kept it secret. Yeah. I wish they didn't tell anyone.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:56

No, honestly, because like it's more clever if they don't really like shout it out to you, which they do later on in the movie, but like it's just a funny bit. That'd be like Derek, if you had a secret society of Derek's and you called it Carred. I do. Is that what Mount Carod? Is that what that is? Yeah. What did what are they all doing up there?

SPEAKER_03 1:10:11

What are they don't do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:13

The Civilization of Cat.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:14

We actually all just see stand up there and play like one improv game for hours. Endless. Yeah. Long form improv forever. Not long form, dude. We play short form games. Infinite forms. You know that video that's been circling the internet of World's Worst? No. You gotta work this up. There is this like acting, there's this improv troupe, sweet, sweet kids who are like, well, they're not kids, they're all adults. But you could tell it was like some sort of like improv camp or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're playing the game World's Worst, where you like say World's Worst Dentist, and then someone steps forward and is like, oh, that cavity looks fine, you can go. Like that was me just doing sure. It's the worst improv game. Yeah. Because it forces you to basically make the same joke a million different times.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:01

And hope that sometime it's funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:03

Yeah, there's this video circulating on the internet of this like group doing it, and it's some of the like responses too have been really funny and like kind of nice, and like, yeah, look at these guys just like getting up there and doing it, and the rest are like tearing them apart and said, Oh, geez, that's rough.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:16

Just like with these guys, just like with these guys. But so, um, so they're they're about to go do this exchange, they're going to the town of Nilbog, right? Um, Holly, the sister, uh, invites her boyfriend Elliot. The funniest bit about their relationship here is the fact that it's pretty obvious that this girl wants to sleep with this man. She makes a lot of comments about not wanting to be a virgin anymore, not wanting him to be a virgin. Like, she is she's ready to go with this guy. Yeah. However, she's like, I can't sleep with you if you keep bringing your fucking friends along with you. And he And I'm not a fan of group sex, so like don't even think about that. Oh my god. And he refuses to go anywhere without them. Like, it seems like that's part of why his dad doesn't or that her dad doesn't like him, because he's always hanging out with these guys. Also, a funny thing about this group of friends is like in another B horror movie, they would be like, you know, rough boys who are bad influences. They're just guys. They're just boys. There's nothing really like that atrocious about them at all. They're just them. They're pretty obnoxious about like being into like women, you know, like that's their main motive for the most part. But like beyond that, they're just boys just hanging out with each other. But it's just funny to me that the fact that like this guy, Elliot, cannot, for the life of him, let go of his other friends to go have sex with this girl who is his girlfriend. It's absolutely mocked. And the only explanation for this is he has to be gay. They have to be gay, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:12:38

I think so. I think they're all gay together.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:39

There are several moments that happen within this movie where like you see him and like his other friend in like a bed in the RV, completely shirtless, almost cuddling. There's a part where Holly comes up and confronts him at the RV, and he's like, he comes out and he's buttoning himself up, like, what was going on in this RV? You guys were sexing in there because they tell me you weren't.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:57

I do think that that was an uh editing issue.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:59

Yeah. I don't think that was ever intentional within there. Like, there's no way in 1990 they were doing that.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:05

So they're they start driving off to Neil Bogg, and and the dad is like, Where's your bow? Why isn't your bow here?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:12

He's not my bow, he's my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:15

He's so stupid. But so they were an hour and a half late to their trip because they were waiting for this guy. But the funniest part about this is he left early. Yeah, he's early. Because there's a part later on where they see him, like, and their RV is crashed out on the side of the highway, which implies he got together with his friends and got a head start on this trip. So they he made them late for nothing.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:35

Yeah, and so then there's this whole sequence of the dad just dissing on the boyfriend. Oh yeah. Hates him, hates him. I never liked that kid. I never did. I'm the one who has to like him, dad. But then the section that we quoted at the top of the episode, Kev's.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:50

Such a good part. The mom has had it with the fighting, and she's like, we need to stop. We need to we need something better.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:57

Oh no, she had a little more emotion. Oh, a little bit stop it, please. Joshua, start singing. Come on. Sing that song I like so much.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:04

I don't feel like singing, mom.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:06

Just sing. Row, row, row your boat gently down. I don't want you to sing the same thing. It is the most it goes on so long.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:15

It is the most. What's also funny about this, it is it is the safest, most within the public domain song you could have chosen. Absolutely. Why couldn't she just say, sing row your row, row, row your boat? That's her favorite song. She couldn't say sing that song. It feels like I sing that song I love so much. I just imagine, I don't know why, but I picture them like being down to the south.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:33

Like, hey, boy boy, Josh, sing that song I love so much. Oh, you mean the one about rowing down the boat? Yeah, sing that song I love. Oh, you're gonna love this. It's gonna make you feel so much better. Gently downstream, Mama.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:43

Oh my boy, my baby boy got a little bit more. My kid's gonna be a star.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:49

Mama, you like that, you like that. I want to say that.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:50

Oh, you know how much I love that so much.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:52

I'll row your boat, Mama. I mean, what?

SPEAKER_02 1:14:54

Now hold, hold, hold on. Now I know we're from the south, but we can't immediately jump into the interrelations.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:58

You named me Oedipus for a reason.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:01

That's funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:03

Why does it sound like you said a puss? That was too much. You named me a push for a reason. Awful. You were just trying to make me not Oedipus like my dad.

SPEAKER_05 1:15:10

I'm exiting the pit. I'm still in it. This ejector button isn't working.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:14

You're still in it, boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:17

So within this car ride, um, there's another bit that I want to mention. Josh has a nightmare where he's basically like his family's just like saying things about him that are scaring him. What's mostly what I mostly want to mention in here is he can there's a bit where he looks at his hands and he has twigs and like tree bits coming up out of them, and the the effects actually look pretty good. They look great. Like it really does look like his skin is splitting and bleeding, and there are twigs and branches coming up from outside of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:43

This is kind of like the beginning of the incongruity of this movie because you have these goblins who look terrible, like genuinely terrible. They're fun and they're kind of cute in like a wow, these guys look bad. But then you actually have these special effects. Like with the with the what are you doing? Don't worry about it. Okay. I'm doing math. It's coming up. He's doing girl math. You have these special effects, like anytime someone gets turned into a plant, which is obviously getting foreshadowed here, like it looks good. Like we've seen so much worse special effects in much higher budget family.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:19

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. But so they get to the house finally, we finally make it to this house, they meet the family, and it's just like these four average-looking people, nothing too crazy about them. They're farmers, I guess, at this house. Another funny thing to me is like this family, our family, the main, the main group here, is gonna go live on this farm for a month. One whole month. Do they know how to take care of a farm? They absolutely don't.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:46

And tend to their crops for a month? Because the dad has a book that's like vegetable recipes. It's like a flip book cookbook. It's a flip book, a flip cookbook book. A flip book cookbook. How much flip for the could a flip cookbook, if a flip cook cookbook book. If you could flip a cookbook book, would you flip a cookbook book? If we cook also a flip cookbook, would how would he cook a book? I think the book would taste better than anything that Vugging Dad is coming out of the kitchen.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:12

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. But so they run into this family here. The the most notable thing about them is they there's a close-up shot on all of them where they've got this little four-leaf clover scar on them. So now hold on. So it's a movie called Troll. Trolls Troll 2. Yep. They are goblins within this town of Nilbog, which is Goblin Backwards. But now we're mixing in a third piece of the puzzle here where it's a four-leaf clover, synonymous with what you might know as a leprechaun. So, like, they're trolls and goblins and leprechauns all at the same time.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:46

So you've got Lort. Lort? Yeah, troll. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:51

Okay, gotcha. Lort is troll. And then you've got Nilbog. Nilbog. And then you've got Nua Kerpel. Narcapel.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:00

It's leprechauns. Oh, Snuakel.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:03

You're right, you're right. That was my girl math from earlier. I was trying desperately to spell leprechauns backwards.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:07

So are you telling me that there's a town out there called Snarkopel? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:11

Honestly, this movie would have made. That would kind of sound sick. That would be kind of sick. That's almost sounds like some kind of like Eldritch name. Snarkopel. Nyolarthotep. Snarkopel. Like it all. All the great ones. Snarkopel and Nyarthotep. Cthulhu, you're all here. Thank you for joining me today. Um honestly, it would work a little bit better because they keep pushing the green thing with them. Like it almost would have worked better if they were just leprechauns. Especially since the leprechauns movies were successful. Yeah. Dude, they could have just called it Leprechaun 2. Or Leprechaun 5 at the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:41

Or Terminator 3.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:43

They could have just called this Terminator 3. So this is we're getting to another really interesting part of this movie. So the family goes inside of this house, right? And they're like, oh, well, I'm sure they left us something. Set up on the table is this a bounteous feast of food for them, a ferriton. So many apples for the eyes, lots of apples. So many apples. But mostly everything is covered in like this green frosting. The family did not tell them they cooked them this feast. They just walk inside and oh good, dinner is ready for us.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:11

They definitely, the production team went to Walmart and bought all of the green frosting, all of the green and blue food coloring, and just said, This is the movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:20

Yep. This is what it is. This is how it's gonna work. So the family is now sat down to eat this green meal. It's like, you know, green eggs and ham is having a field day over here. But then there's a tapping and a knocking at the window, and of course, only Josh sees it. So let's go. Oh, also, real quick, on their journey here, they did see the grandfather on the side of the road. So here's okay. Something that really gets my goat about this entire fucking movie is the fact that the grandfather's ghost godlike powers are so inconsistent and all over the place.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:51

They're they're like not even worth like trying to figure out because they are so inconsistent.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:57

But it's so funny to me. Oh, it's hilarious. Because what happens is the first time we see him in the rocking chair, okay? We see him, clearly nobody else can see him. Then we see him on the side of the road, and then the grandson, he walks out, he's like, I'm gonna throw up, I need you to pull over. He runs up to the grandfather, talks to him for a second, he's like, What are you doing? You can't go to this town, you need to stop all of them. He looks away, looks back. It's a homeless guy. Yeah, it's just another bearded man. So you're gonna take me with you? You're gonna give me your ride, which also the rest of the family does not acknowledge this homeless man at all. No, they completely next to their son. It's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:26

But so I wish the mom had been like, you must banish him.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:29

Yeah, so now we have grandpa appears to the son just in a rocking chair. Grandpa appears as another corporeal man for a second. And now we're at the house where they're about to eat dinner, and grandpa is tapping on the window, he's outside the house. Why couldn't you just be inside with him? Because it seems like, for all we know, nobody else can see grandpa except for Josh. So why is he being sneaky about it? Like, hey, hey, kid, come to the window. What are the rules? I don't understand the rules. But so he basically tells him, you can't let them eat the food, otherwise, they'll meet the same fate as that character in the book that I was reading you at the beginning of the story. Because I don't know if we mentioned at the beginning of the story, the character who ate the beautiful woman's pudding died. Don't laugh. Don't laugh. Grandfather, tell me the story where the man eats that woman's pudding. I can't. It's Band in Utah. I love that story.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:24

Anywho. Now, Grandpa is Professor Xavier and says, Hey, let me stop time for you, little kid. So funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:31

He says, Hey kid, you have 30 seconds and I will stop them. To which it's so funny because they just freeze.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:38

They just stop doing it. They just stop moving. And it's also because they're all holding different objects. Like, you've got a little biscuit with some of that green frosting. The dad's got like a drink halfway in his mouth. Imagine like St. Patrick's Day at Walmart, where like every cookie has green frosting on it. That's the food in this movie. So then what does our little friend do when he looks at the table of food?

SPEAKER_02 1:22:02

First of all, he looks, he has 30 seconds to think of anything. Another thing that pisses me off is Grandpa clearly has powers. He can fucking stop time.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:11

Yeah, delete the food, Grandpa.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:13

Yeah, just like snap your fingers and delete the food. Like, you can do so much more to help this kid. Also, everything he tells him is so vague. He is not helping him ever in the movie. He's like, oh, just giving him little hints about stuff. But so he says, you have 30 seconds to figure this out. In this 30 seconds, he could just take all of the food and throw it out the window.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:30

Oh, yeah, 30 seconds is actually a long time.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:32

Instead, because it is, because we see the entire 30 seconds within the movie as he's sitting here, walking around the table, pondering what to do, what to do. And then what does he say? Does he do you have the script that says exactly what he says?

SPEAKER_03 1:22:44

He's like, he's like he talks to himself. I have it right here. Um, you're the only one that can do it. If they eat, they'll come to the same end as Peter in the story. Uh-huh. But how do I stop them? I must do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:58

I must do it. And then he stands up on the chair, and the camera zooms in towards his crotch as he unzips his fly, and then it hard cuts to the family scraping all of the food off the tail off of their plates. So he peed on all of their food in order to save them. So, like, listen, from the standpoint of like him saving the day and his family from death, according to his ghost grandfather, this was the way to go. He did a good thing. There were other ways that he could have done it, but he did a good job. However, his family's probably like, this kid is acting out. He is seeing his dead grandfather, he's pissing on the food. This is a problem. But then we get to one of the greatest parts in this movie, of the many great parts in this movie. I wouldn't say this part's great. I think it's hilarious. Are you kidding me? It's very bad, though. It's very bad. So the father picks him up over his shoulder, he's walking him upstairs to their room. There's this weird bit where, like, the family that has left this house for them has labeled all of the doors dictating where they're gonna be staying. Do you see that right and boy? Do you know what that means? Hospitality. And then he's gonna miss on hospitality. He gets in the bedroom, throws him on his bed, he goes, You can't piss on hospitality. I won't allow it.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:04

But then while he's doing this, he starts getting down to like what it looks like he's about to undo his pants or take his belt out.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:13

No outcome of that seems good. No. He grabs his belt, so it's like, oh, he's gonna beat him with the belt, or he's gonna piss him up. Or he's gonna piss on him.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:22

They're gonna piss on me. Oh my god. Oh my god. That'll come back later. It's insane. And the kid's like, uh, what are you gonna do, daddy? Yeah. And so what did he say? The funniest fucking stupid thing you could say. Tighten my belt so I don't feel hunger pains. Your sister and mother will do likewise.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:41

That is the craziest thing you could do.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:45

But also, that implies that he's pissed on the dinner, it's ruined. He has to tighten his belt so he won't feel the hunger pangs. This implies they did not bring any food with them. I doubt it. I fucking doubt that that works. You're the chef, you tell me. I don't know. Let's try it.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:00

I don't I don't have a belt on. I don't want to stand up and make it look like I'm gonna piss.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:03

I don't feel hungry anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:04

No, that's not real.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:05

I feel pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:06

That's not real. But also, that would just like that would constrict your lower colon depending on how you're really thinking about it. Or your bladder. So I mean, it would just make you need to pee more. Yeah, I guess that's fair. Or make you mean you need to poop.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:16

But it's just like this family brought nothing with them. They were really expecting this. They were like, this farmhouse has got to be fully furnished with food.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:23

It would probably just bruise your hips. He's still on this. Yeah, I mean, it bothers me. I think he was gonna piss on his son and changed his mind.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:33

Yeah, there was a there's a slightly funny bit where you're like, oh my god, is he gonna piss on the kid? That's a wild way to handle this encounter. But he doesn't know, so that's that's just a crazy way to end that scene. So moving forward here, um, we didn't really mention that much, but Elliot, the the boyfriend, and his three friends who were definitely coming on this trip with him, even though the girlfriend told him not to bring them, uh, their their RV breaks down on the side of the road, and they're struggling to deal with that, right? Yeah. So it's kind of just a pointless plot line. But it's just kind of like now we've got these other kids who are gonna like meet their own cruel fate. One of the boys leaves the RV and just sees this random teenage girl running in the woods. I completely forgot about it. And the craziest thing is his reaction is oh, I gotta go get this girl. She's clearly running from something that she is afraid of.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:20

This whole time they're just being horny teens or yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:22

We're gonna go to Nilbog where the hot girls come from. Yeah, for some reason they're like, oh, Nilbog is where all the loose women quota is what they say. The loose women are running around Nilbog like stupid. What the fuck do you know about this place that would indicate that that is a thing? I don't understand it. But the craziest part is this guy, he chases this woman and tackles her. Yeah, she is running from something scared out of her wits' end, and you think tackling her is the way to go about this?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:46

There is literally never a time where seeing a strange woman and tackling her is okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:50

No, literally never, never.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:52

Unless you maybe see her steal from someone, that's the only time.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:55

But even then, don't then maybe just don't tackle the woman.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:58

Please don't.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:58

Maybe just say, hey, stop. Hey, stop. Maybe just don't tackle anybody. Maybe just don't bother her. If she's running away from you still, maybe she doesn't need to be bothered.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:05

Maybe if someone's running away from something, don't just start chasing them.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:08

Truly, yeah. But so after he tackles her, he gets caught up to by a group of all the goblins again. And the weirdest bit about this is he like stands up straight. Hey guys, come on, leave this girl alone.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:20

Why don't you leave the lady alone, or else I'm gonna get in my hands on you guys. Let me give you some advice, you dwarfs. Get out of here, or you're gonna be in a lot of trouble.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:29

Like, it's just wild how unaffected by these fucking creatures he was. If I saw a horde of these little dudes, I would be concerned for my safety and my life.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:40

He was very confident. It's crazy what balls will do for you. It's crazy what horniness will do for a guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:47

He'll take you little nuts and eat that. So then what do they do in response? They throw a spear and stab, impale him right in the like in the meat of his chest up on like the right of his shoulder. It was crazy. And then they went to the.

SPEAKER_06 1:28:00

Right pectoral. The right pectoral.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:02

So they run away from these goblins and make it into a church. A cool house. Cool house. And who's inside of this church? Another wonderful character in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:11

Arguably the best one. And allow her to introduce herself. Please. Credence Leonor Guld Gilgud. Gilguds. Credence? Of Leonor Gilguds. Of ancient druid origins.

SPEAKER_05 1:28:24

Of ancient druid origin.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:29

That's it like You can't just say that. I'm gonna start introducing myself cooler. I am Derek Ron Wayman of ancient Irish, possibly Scottish, European ancestors. My ancestors came from Big Ben.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:45

Yeah, exactly. It's like, hey, what's up? I'm Isaac Antonio Carrillo. Half wide, half Hispanic, and I also have ancient Druid origins. Yeah, that's right. My 23andMe says that. It's right right here. And then 2% ancient Druid origins. But then what uh what Seven Wonder of the World. And then I'm from the Empire State Building. Like Stonehenge is not like a civilization.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:05

It's a structure. They came from Stonehenge.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:08

They came from Stonehenge. I don't understand. That becomes a plot point where like the power of the goblins emanates from Stonehenge. Like, what are we what are we talking about? What are we doing here? It is worth mentioning here. This this this uh this this witch here, queen of the goblins, as she kind of makes herself out to be, kind of working for me. Kind of got like this hot goth goblin crazy gosh librarian vibe going to her show. She's got these glasses, it's kind of working for me.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:34

They're fake braces. They put fake braces on me. They kind of just covered her teeth in like gunk. But gunk? It looked like braces.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:40

It looked like braces for sure. But that's pretty much where it like where it stops for me. I'm like, her vibe is kind of working for me for sure, until you get to her mouth where it's like kind of like dry chapped lips and these nasty teeth on her.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:51

I do every once in a while they remember to put makeup around her lips, and it looks crazy cool. But then there's other scenes where like you didn't have that makeup. Now you do.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:59

Yeah, it's kind of kind of weird. But I will say, as like over the top and obnoxious as she could have been in this movie, her performance was very fun to watch. She was really eating every goddamn word. She literally talks like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:12

She says, uh, I was gonna find one of her lines. I am credence. Leonor Geigold.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:25

There is no hospital in Nilbog. Oh, you said we are used to curing ourselves. So so these two teens that have run into her church here now, um, she is she feeds them a broth, which is just like this mug that clearly has like dry ice in it. It's like frothing and bubbling up over the top of it, which is really fun. And then she she feeds it to them. The girl drinks it, and then Derek explained what this girl does after drinking this broth.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:50

Oh, she turns into liquid lettuce.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:52

No, but before what is what is the steps between between there?

SPEAKER_03 1:30:56

Dude, it's the longest death scene in history. She takes like 20 minutes to like writhe in pain. She climbs up the stairs, and then she finally lays on the ground where she slowly turns into lettuce.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:07

And slowly just like seeps into the ground and gacks.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:10

And all the let the dwarves goblins come and eat her.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:13

Yeah. It's actually like it's when you think about like of course it looks ridiculous. The the effects are so silly. It is pretty wild to be like, whoa, this girl just turned into like a green paste, and now they're eating and devouring her.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:26

Then the most famous line. The best line in the history of film in all of it. It it honestly is. Like, we can't do it justice. We'll truly decided for you. But like, there's it is the most famous line for a reason, and I think it is what put this movie on the map. I really do. I think this specific shot is so bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:46

So to set the scene right here, both of these teens have drank the broth, right? This girl has been writhing around, climbing up a staircase. Now she's turning into this goop. The guy also drank it, and he's being like frozen in place. Suddenly he can't move. He even has a funny line where he's like, Why am I why can't I move? Why am I frozen? Surely there's a logical explanation for this. It's like what he says. But then he says, This banger of a line as he watches these goblins eat her.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:10

She's changing. She's purifying herself. She's one of the vegetable world. And then now she's food for my children. So then they're eating her. And then they're gonna eat me. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:32

With a slow zoom in on his face as he is like stiffly looking up at her getting eaten. Now she's they're eating her, she's now they're and then they're gonna eat me. Oh my god, it is such a funny like if you could just do yourself a favor, just look up that bit. Just look up that scene on YouTube, because it is so much.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:53

It'll probably pop up. Uh the best thing about that, it feels like those videos that's like longest this challenge, and it's like longest. My longest yeah boy ever. Yeah, yeah, that exactly what I'm talking about. But it feels like that with oh my god, because he does it for so long.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:08

It's a long oh my god, but it's such a oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:12

He kind of like turns it into a scream.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:14

Yeah, it kind of goes away.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:15

But it's like super monotone. It's so good. Look it up.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:18

Yeah. So so moving forward, um, uh, really have to mention that we picked the perfect movie for our 100th episode. We did. Because we got a Garfield spotting in the show. We got a Garfield spotting. Yep. There's a bit where Holly is dancing to herself in the mirror and she's what everybody does. She's wearing this like Garfield jersey that has like Aries on it. It's like a star-signed Garfield jersey.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:37

I don't know where she got it, but I kind of want one. It wasn't a jersey, it was just like a really long t-shirt. Really long t-shirt, yeah. It's like down past her knees. Maybe it's a dress.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:44

But so while she's dancing to herself, she gets jump scared by grandpa, who appears in the mirror to her.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:49

She fucking looks like General Zod from Star from Superman 4.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:53

Yeah, he super does. But another, again, a new side to the saga that is the bullshit, that is this grandfather's powers. Now he's appearing in the mirror.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:03

Yeah. Just like a floating head. Or he's almost a little bit like uh like the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the wizard from Oz.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:13

Yes, you're right. The wizard from Oz, the whiz from Oz. Yeah, you get it. Um, but so the the the sister now, Holly, now she's seen dead grandpa. She goes and yells to her family, and they're like, Oh, you're crazy. And so the the son Josh is like, oh, why don't we just swap rooms? I'll trade with you because he's he's seen this, he's got no problem with this, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:34:28

It's the craziest conversation with him and grandpa. He gets grandpa to come back to the beer and he's like, Grandpa, you got the wrong room. And he's like, I still have to learn the layout of this house.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:41

What are the rules? What are we doing? How do you exist in the incorporeal world as a ghost where you can't figure out whose room you're going inside of and when and where? Like, what are we talking about? You froze time a second ago. Remember that?

SPEAKER_03 1:34:57

Dude, it's crazy. So then he's you they talk for a little bit. Yeah. Uh he's like he grandpa like mentions how much he hates his dad.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:08

Yeah. The kid's dad. Because the kid's like, why don't you tell my parents? It's like, oh, well, she never listened to me in the real world. That's why she married that good for nothing husband to hers.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:16

And I think they murdered him.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:17

Yeah, I think so too.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:19

Oh boy.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:20

But yeah. So there's a little bit of a side plot going on here where another one of the friends has left because he's hungry. They have no food. So he goes into town to the general store. And there's a lot of we haven't mentioned this before. In Nilbog, there's just a lot of residents just standing and staring at people. Yeah. And it kind of like it, it's not really made super apparent, but all of these people in this town are goblins in disguise. Yeah. The goblins have the capabilities to disguise themselves as people.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:49

But they're not like not like disguise how you would think. They just like kind of either are a human or a goblin.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:55

Either there is no weird in-between stage, there's one or the other. But so there's a scene where this kid goes into town, he goes to the general store, and he's like, he walks in up to this guy working at the store. He's like, Hey, I need some food. Do you have any any eggs? And the guy working at the general store just goes, he just like like half fake vomits onto the ground. He's like, Do you have any eggs? Do you have any any of this? He's like, No, we're vegetarians here in this town. We have milk. And just on the shelf behind him, they have nothing but fucking jugs of milk. It's gross. It just says nilbog milk on it. Which is just goblin milk. Does that mean that all came from their milk? Derek? Hey, Derek. Hey, question. Yeah, where's Nilbog milk?

SPEAKER_03 1:36:33

Where are they getting this milk? Yeah, I think it's Nilbog milk. I think it's exactly what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:37

There are no creatures in this town like cows or sheep or lamb. Where are we?

SPEAKER_03 1:36:43

They're either all getting into jars. They're getting it from the Stonehenge cows. That's fair. They're lactating, all of them. Uh, you've also got pea, you got piss, you got cum, you got poop. So, like any of those, take your pig. It would be any chunky milk. I don't know. They eat green, so maybe they poop white.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:01

Ugh, I hate it. I hate all of the implications here.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:04

Anything is bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:05

I really hate discovering where goblin milk is coming from.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:08

Yeah, but like.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:09

But the next option is thinking there's a milking operation where they put them on this little conveyor belt and they they extract the milk from the goblin.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:15

Eh, put me on the conveyor belt, daddy. I'm ready to be extra.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:18

That's why there's only like 26 of them in this town. They've they've lost all the time. It needs to be 50, but we need still. Also, there's no other food here. Okay, so here's so here's another thing that really bothers me about this. So it it would appear that the the the plot of this movie is that there's goblins that have lived in this town and they trick people to come live in this town. They feed them their weird food and they turn into vegetables for them to eat. There's like vegetation around them. There's farms. Why, well, why can't they just eat regular vegetables? Why does it have to be meat vegetables made from people?

SPEAKER_03 1:37:55

I'll tell you one word. What's up? It's capitalism, made it. It's GMOs. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:59

Oh, that too. Oh, sorry, you.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:01

Pesticides makes more sense. That's it. I don't know. I got nothing. It just makes no sense. I mean, they didn't think about anything. Yeah. She was like, it's gonna be funny to make all of these evil creatures vegetarians.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:13

It's also just so funny that they go through such a convoluted plan to do this like culture exchange to bring a family into town to then feast upon. Like, is there really no other way that they can just like trap and kill people to get their nutrients out of it?

SPEAKER_03 1:38:26

I feel like the word would get out. I feel like they would they would be stopped.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:30

Yeah. Because mind you, anytime these goblins are on screen, they kind of just stand there and look at you, and nothing actually happens. They don't actually get you except for like on a couple occasions they actually get got by them. But it's just it's really funny. But so there's another character I just need to mention because his name is absolutely bonkers. There's a scene where the kid who went and got the milk, he takes it, he drinks some of it, so now he's unfortunately infected by the milk. Um, he no, he hasn't really to the general store by the sky. He's on his he's jogging into town, and there's a police officer that rolls up behind him. He goes, Hey, I'm Sheriff Gene Freak. What the fuck kind of name? That's like if J.K. Rowling, to bring up her again, made she wrote an X-Men comic, and that's the name she gave to one of the mutants. What's your name?

SPEAKER_03 1:39:21

I'm Gene Freak. That's me, the mutant. Oh my god, that's so funny. I wish that J.K. Rowling watched this one instead of the original troll. Because then Harry Potter would have been Gene Freak. Maybe she would have been less awful than Transfer. Hermione would have been Credence Leonor Gil.

SPEAKER_02 1:39:35

Credence Leonor Gilgood. What a name. We got Gene Freak, we got Credence Leonor Gilgood. Like, what a time to be alive. Is Gilgood anything backwards, Doug? Dougleague? No, that's nothing. Damn, I wish it was something though.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:48

Ronal. Are you looking to the whole thing? Egg uh Eknid. Dougleag. Ronel. Eknirk. This is nothing. This is all nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:02

So he goes up.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:03

So the kid's velvet room.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:04

The kid gets gets met by this police officer, Gene Freak, the sheriff of this 25-person town. This town does not need a fucking sheriff. Then he takes him and then that's when he gets the milk. But it is funny because he goes, Oh, are you hungry, boy? Why don't you eat this? He hands him up like two buns with this green mystery substance in the middle of it. And this kid just eats it, no problem. Like, what the what are we doing?

SPEAKER_03 1:40:26

It's crazy, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:27

But so eventually this kid makes his way to the church where his buddy, who said the they're eating her, they're gonna eat me. Oh my god, he has gone full plant. He is just a plant guy. Fully turned into a plant guy. And this is another bit that I that I caught in the documentary. Apparently, this kid was pretty upset because they took his real actual shoes that he was wearing to set that day, not like a wardrobe shoes, and drilled him, screwed him into this pot, done him all up with makeup where he had to stand for 15 hours. Not sitting, and of course, the Italian director, who was kind of an asshole, did not help him at all, didn't give him a place to sit, any rest, none of that.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:02

And he had just like stand with his hand up holding a cup. It was not a pleasant place to stand for 15 hours.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:08

That's insane. So his buddy who got the ride with the cop, he comes in and he finds him here. Another funny thing that I just thought was kind of it just made me laugh at how low budget and low effort they were with this movie. This kid, um, the milk kid, I'll call him, he was wearing a yellow shirt through this entire movie. It had a logo on the front of it and also on the back of it. Somewhere halfway through filming, they just lost the shirt. Crazy. And they can happen. They give him money, they say, Hey kid, go buy another yellow shirt. And he's like, Isn't there somebody to do this for me? Isn't there like a wardrobe person? They're like, no, go buy another shirt. He's like, Won't they notice that it doesn't have a logo on it? Because at this point, they filmed like half of his stuff already, they couldn't just go back and change it. So there are definitely shots in this movie where you can see he's wearing a different yellow shoe shirt that does not have a yellow logo on it. And it's just so it's so funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:57

So then uh at the same around the same juncture, Joshua is out roaming the streets and he looks, his dad and him is like his dad's trying to get to the store to get something, and he has like a footbook.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:08

Well, because they also they don't have any food. Oh, right, right, right. Because all they have in the house is again this weird chunky milk. Yeah, which also is not green. I feel like it should have been green. They got all the food. It really, it really should have been. Anyway.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:22

So at this point, uh, he goes and he looks in the rear view mirror or the the side window of a car and sees Neobog, and he's like, Neobog, Neobog is goblin spell backwards.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:35

Dad, this is their kingdom.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:38

Which is so funny how much of a reaction he has to this, because at this point he already knows goblins are here. Grandpa's already told him this. So this sounds like this is this great revelation to him.

SPEAKER_05 1:42:48

No.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:48

But then then he sees uh like a sermon, right, going on in this church, right? Well, you have the cover the grandpa comes out first. Oh, is this before he tells him? Yeah, grandpa comes out first. Okay, hold on. Another fucking crazy bit within the lore. He's he needs his grandpa's help.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:06

Oh, I think he does go into the church first.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:08

I think he goes to the church. He goes to the church first. Yeah, you're right. Because I think it's a pretty quick scene. He sees we we get introduced to this random like preacher character, and he he sees him preaching this sermon to a bunch of like the townsfolk who are also goblins. You notice that like the family that should be at their house and the other town is still here. But like basically, he gets caught by them, they try to feed him the food, and before they can, the dad comes in and rescues him. He's like, Hey, leave my son alone. We're getting out of here. So now son needs help. Josh needs some help from grandpa. He goes back into the mirror because now for some reason he can only he can reach grandpa through the mirror exclusively. Even though he's appeared at several other junctures. I don't know why he goes there. It doesn't make any sense. But so he finds him in the mirror, and instead of seeing grandpa, he sees Leon Credence Leonore Gilgood. God, what a name. And she jump scares out, and uh smashing through the mirror is a goblin, and he gets attacked by it. And Derek, who rescues the who saves the day? It's Grandpa. It's grandpa says with what?

SPEAKER_03 1:44:06

Oh, is this where he uses lightning abilities? Oh, yeah. My bad.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:11

Yeah, he jumps out against it with an axe. And so he chops off part of this goblin's arm. It's like, okay, okay. What? What are we doing? Okay, so now he can appear in real flesh and blood with a real physical weapon and chop into these goblins. Doesn't this like chop off Credence's arm too? Because then she jumps back into the mirror because it it's it's revealed that she was that goblin. She transformed into goblin form, goes back into the mirror. Then we actually get a pretty decent scene where she's back in her hideout away from the scene, and she has a severed arm that is just gushing and gushing this chlorophyll green blood. Which is just I I'll be honest, this is another effect that looked pretty decent to me.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:54

Yeah, it looked fun. You put enough green goop on something, it's gonna be good too.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:57

Yeah, it looks pretty good. I kind of liked it. Also, another effect I didn't mention earlier was the when the kid was fully stuck in that plant pose. Like he had this like bark and twigs and vines growing up out of him. Again, looked pretty decent. I was pretty shocked by this. But there's a pretty wild moment where Credence, uh, the goblin queen, takes her stump of an arm and puts it into this like stonehenge.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:19

It's literally a mini stonehenge.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:20

Literally a mini stone henge that's this light emanating out of it. She puts her stump inside of it and grows back like a whole fresh new arm. Yeah. So it's like got these healing capabilities, I guess. So then she actually puts her whole self in there, and then she's beautiful after that fact. It's crazy, which will come up in another scene. Why didn't she just do this the whole time? Why did she just do this the whole time? Does she not know? Does she not know the capabilities of her own goddamn power stone in her, in her, in her hideout? Makes no sense. But so, Derek, do you want to talk about the Molotov cocktails?

SPEAKER_03 1:45:46

Yeah, so Grandpa comes with this crazy plan, and he gives Joshua a Molotov cocktail. Kid, I got just the thing for you. It's a fucking Molotov. And so they head out and they're like, hey, we're gonna go around the t the house. When the time comes, light the wick, throw the bottle in. They're gonna like kill everybody.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:01

I love how he gives him a Molotov cocktail. He himself, the grandfather, has a fire extinguisher. He goes, You hit him with that. I'll create some confusion with this. He's so stupid. What the fuck are you talking about? He's gonna light him on the fire. Yeah, I guess. You light him on fire, then I'll confuse them by putting out the fire.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:18

He's so stupid. So at this moment, the like preacher man comes out and he sees him and he's like, You'll never be able to stop us. And then he goes fucking full death metal on him, starts doing a Sith Lord grip, and says, As for you, old man, go back to your kingdom of shadows. I order you for the sacred power of the magic stone and its lord, go back to hell.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:40

Which implies, again, gotta talk about crazy lore here, implies that grandpa has been to hell. Question mark.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:48

It's so funny because it's immediately retconned.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:51

Yeah. As grandfather's having like basically a heart attack as this guy's Sith death gripping him.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:56

Then Joshua's like, Grandpa, hang on, grandpa, grandpa. Joshua, you'll have to do it yourself. Are you really in hell? No, but I know a sacred spell. A friend who was there taught me.

unknown 1:47:09

What?

SPEAKER_02 1:47:10

And then, probably the craziest culmination of grandpa's powers, he calls down a strike of lightning. Yep. A bolt of lightning, because did you like the preacher took the Molotov cocktail? The preacher's holding the Molotov cocktail. Holding the Molotov cocktail. So then Grandpa, with a spell that he learned from someone in hell who was in hell, but he wasn't in hell. A friend who was their top mate. Taught him this lightning spell, calls down a bolt of lightning, it shatters the Molotov cocktail, lighting it, and then the preacher goes up in a bout of flames. Absolutely. It is also worth mentioning another fucking crazy thing that's happening in this movie. While all of this is going on, in the building right next to them, the townsfolk are having this weird ceremony where they have all of the family members sat inside, they're trying to feed them the food, and they're just weirdly clapping off beat and singing these creepy songs at them.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:05

Dude, it's weird. It felt like every Relief Society meeting I've ever been to.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:10

But now everything's really hitting the fan. Because now the family leaves and they see this man on fire. The the father, he comes up and he puts him out with a fire extinguisher. And what's that underneath all of the what happens when the smoke clears? What is that? Oh, it's a goblin. So he died, the preacher died, he's gone into goblin form, and now the rest of the town is like, well, I guess the jig is up, and they're basically like, okay, we're gonna kill you and eat you, so that's kind of what we need to do. Run. But weirdly, they give them like this ultimatum because they basically keep them inside of their house and give them the chance, they say, Hey, we can either kill you in a very violent way, or throws them a bag of sandwiches, eat these sandwiches.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:52

And then it cuts to one of the kids, because we still have one more of the teenage boys left. And he's sitting there and he watches TV.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:02

Oh my god. Mind you, there are a couple scenes of them watching this TV movie. It's somebody, somebody who's a fan of the movie found out it's this movie, it's like an italian, it's an Italian movie, I think, called Grunt from 1983, that has several sequences of like this man in a full monkey suit that he eventually like has rocket powers as well. Insane. Apparently, the entire movie is like like an hour and a half of people just grunting at each other, and then the very end of the movie, all of it works up to a full musical number. I'm I want to watch this movie. Which sounds so hilarious to me. I really need to watch this. Like, it doesn't feel worth it to watch all of it, but to like to skip through it just to get the gist of it.

SPEAKER_06 1:49:40

You should watch the whole movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:41

Anyway, that was the movie that they're watching on the film uh on the TV. I just thought that was a really funny, funny thing for them to add.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:46

So the kids watching TV and it switches over to Credence, who's now this like gorgeous. Gorgeous lady.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:53

Which is this is so funny to me. I was super into like the goth librarian vibe that she had before, and then Derek was way more into the vibe she had later. It's the duality of man. Duality of man. This is the other scene that Derek showed me when he showed me the movie for the first time.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:06

This movie's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:07

Because the first one, of course, was they're gonna eat her.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:09

Oh my god. So she starts like walking towards this RV all sexually in the TV, and he's she cuts into the feed. Come on out. And so he goes out and she's there like holding corn. And she's a vampire now. So she's like, hey, will you let me in? She says, invite me in. Like, what the what are we doing? Keep in mind this entire scene is pointless. Yeah. So you mentioned what she's wielding with her. So she's holding a corn. A corn. She's holding a corn. A cob of corn. A corn cob. Now, uh, science gem, if you may come back out. Will you please tell the audience just about popcorn? Uh, yeah, I guess I can't. So, popcorn is actually a different kind of corn that's bred to have about 17% moisture so it can dry out. Isaac, do you know how much corn, sweet corn, moisture has? A lot. It's probably mostly moisture. It's 70% dog. That sounds right. So much more. It's so much more. So this wouldn't turn into popcorn. That'd be relevant in a second.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:07

Because yeah, basically, what happens is she starts like wooing this man. They have this weird kind of sexual encounter where she's just like waving this cob of corn around and like rubbing it down her leg, which eventually culminates in her and him, lady in the tramp style, eating opposite sides of this cob of corn.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:26

My favorite thing about this sequence is not them making out with a cob of corn between them. Yeah. It's that the guy keeps adjusting the corn so he actually gets bites of corn. He's actually eating it. He's legitimately hungry.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:40

It's just it's so eating the corn. It's so funny to me that, like, what's the end goal here? Are you going to both eat through this cob of corn, chop through this thing to then kiss in the middle of it? Is that what we're really doing? Obviously.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:52

Obviously. But then popcorn starts popping everywhere. Because Science Jim just said the cob of corn would never.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:57

Because she asks him, like, what do you think of this? And he's like, I usually like popcorn. And then basically it just looks like. It just looks like from the from off-screen there are people with buckets of corn just throwing popcorn onto them. And he eventually starts to like drown in it.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:14

It's so, so he never dies. We just see him covered in popcorn and she leaves.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:18

Yeah, it can only be described as a metric fuck ton of popcorn in this thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:22

So we're at the end now. If anybody was like, man, this movie's lasting forever, don't worry. This is the final stretch.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:30

So Grandpa So, okay, so hold on. So they hold like a seance to summon Grandpa, because now the family's like, okay, maybe Grandpa's real. We should believe him. So they hold this stance to try to summon him. He gives them some advice. He shows up to Josh again and says, take this bag. What's in it is gonna help you like save the day, but you can only use it when you really need it. Yeah. And then he also tells him that the only way to defeat the goblins is like with good thoughts, basically. They like put their hands on the stone henge stone and try to think really good thoughts. But then, Derek, what is inside the bag that ends up saving the day?

SPEAKER_03 1:53:11

Yeah, so they they finally are all the it's culminated to the final battle. Joshua's there, he's holding his hands against the stone, he's praying for grandpa Seth, and what's her face shows up, and she's like, all mad. Everybody wants to eat them. Yes. And he opens up the sandwich.

SPEAKER_02 1:53:27

It is working so far. It is actually really funny. There's a bit where the family's at a different location, they're about to get attacked by the goblins, and then with grandpa and Josh putting their good vibes on a stone hench, it is weakening their powers. Yep. And one of the goblins goes, Our queen is calling us. And then in a quick flash, all of them teleport away. So the goblins can teleport. Yep. Mind you, they also have crazy powers.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:50

I mean, that was obvious, man. Wasn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:53:53

It's so dumb. But it was just it was just really funny to see the goblin talk for a moment. I'm like, oh, they can speak. This is interesting.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:00

Uh so they're standing there stonehenging it up. Joshua's got his hands on it. Grandpa says there he's got his hands on it. He's like, Joshua, I have to do this one more time. Remember, it's only the power of goodness that can defeat the goblins. Goodbye forever.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:14

He just keeps showing up and leaving over and keeps being dramatic about it.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:18

He keeps saying, I gotta go.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:19

Even when the family summoned him, he's like, You have about 10 minutes. It's like, why are there sudden time restraints? What are we talking about? What are your powers? What can you do and not do?

SPEAKER_03 1:54:28

So now, now we're the final battle. Now they're all surrounded him. And he's like, Wait, I have to use this.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:36

As he's being he's being surrounded by goblins who again are approaching him with more food. They're trying to feed him, turn him into more goop. And Derek, what is inside that bag? What's in the bag, Derek? What's in the bag?

SPEAKER_03 1:54:47

You're hungry, right? A double-decker bologna sandwich.

SPEAKER_02 1:54:53

And all of the goblins and the queen of the goblins cower away and gasp. No. No, think about the fat in your blood. Think about the cholesterol. Think about the toxins. Oh no. So it is the craziest sandwich. There are like seven or eight slices of baloney between these pieces of bread.

SPEAKER_04 1:55:11

So much bologna.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:12

But that's the way that he wards them off.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:14

He like takes a bite of it. And he keeps eating it until he can get back to the Stonehenge. And he does that. And then they all get there. They all put their good vibes into the Stonehenge.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:24

Good vibes save the day. And then all of the goblins just die, I guess. They just kind of leave. The queen, like she gets there are like some weird effects of like she's dripping in like all of this blood, she looks crazy. Like it's it's it's a pretty wild effects moment. It is. But yeah, then all of the goblins die, and they the day is saved.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:42

The whole movie was mad for baloney.

SPEAKER_02 1:55:44

But it's not over yet. Yeah. We go back home. And it's a weird thing. All of them drive back to their regular house, and for some reason, all of them go their separate ways. They all leave. The dad's like, um, I gotta go back to the office. The boyfriend's like, um, I'm gonna go back home. And his the girlfriend, Holly, she's like, I'm gonna go with you. So it's only mom and Josh going actually inside of the house. Yep. And so it actually ends in a really bleak way. No, it does. It's awful. Really pretty crazy where the kid is like calling to his mom, doesn't hear from her, walks up into her shower, it is nothing but like green hand smears all over the place running into the drain.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:23

You see her eat one of the apples.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:25

True, she does eat an apple inside the house. She eats an apple, then you you see upstairs in the shower, there is no mom. There's just this trail of green everywhere. It's like, oh no. He comes back downstairs and he sees a horde of goblins are eating the vegetable remains of what used to be his mom. Which, like, it looks silly. It's pretty, it's pretty, it's pretty wacky, but like deeply unsettling if you think about it. Incredibly. Like, imagine it.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:51

It's like a little bust, too. It's like some boobs and small torso. Definitely not the right size for his mom.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:59

And then just a bunch of goblins just taking the goop and just smearing it on their faces because they can't really eat it.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:04

And the movie literally just ends with the movie.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:06

And then what did they say to them, like, do you want some Joshua? I mean, literally, they say that. And then Joshua screams, and that's the end of the day.

SPEAKER_05 1:57:12

They're eating my mom. And then they're gonna eat me. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:17

Dude, that's troll two.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:19

That's troll two, ladies and gentlemen.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:21

It only took three years and a hundred episodes.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:23

God, and I'm so happy we did. Me too. So hopefully, if you hadn't watched this movie, you stopped the podcast, you went and watched it. And if not, even if you didn't, dude, go watch it. Go check it out. Like, we can skipped a lot. We can only skip, we can only, and I I know we overexplained a bit of it, but it's just there's so much to be had in this movie.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:39

This movie deserved. It was our hundredth episode. We deserved to overexplain it all.

SPEAKER_02 1:57:43

Exactly. So thank you for bearing with us in this long trek to get here. Derek, let's talk about our expectation results. Yeah. Uh, I said there'd be actors really trying their best. And honestly, there were some trying harder than others. There were some that were better than the others for sure by a long miles. There were some that were really bad. But nobody here thought they were making a bad movie until it was already too late. Like, really, all of them were intentionally trying to make this movie, right? Yeah. They were giving it their best.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:07

I'll enjoy this more than I did the last 10 times. I mean, significantly. I all of everything I guessed held true, where I was like, I know movies better now. I think I'm gonna respect this movie more. And I did. And it was just a fun, crazy movie with really good time.

SPEAKER_02 1:58:22

Really good time. Uh I said the dialogue is gonna feel so out of place and wrong. And I mean, it makes more sense when you realize it was written and translated poorly from Italian to English without a lot of help on set to change that. Also, without any uh assistance in changing it, there were several moments where the actors would come to the director and say, Hey, can we change this? It would feel more like this, and the director straight up tells them, No, I know how Americans sound. Do it like this. Yeah. So no, no ad libs, no, nothing could be changed. It had to be as written.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:48

Wild. I'll be more forgiving of its pitfalls. I was. I focused more on the impressive things they did. A lot of this movie is actually decent. There isn't anything really to hate or put down, in my opinion. The acting can be rough and the effects are cheesy, but it's got so much history and life to it that like you have to forgive its pitfalls.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:07

There's a reason that it stood this long as such a pinnacle of this kind of stuff. Uh, I said there'd be an effect or two that is better than you'd expect, and I I will stand in my truth and boldly say this movie actually had some pretty decent effects.

SPEAKER_06 1:59:19

It did.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:20

Like, not gonna lie. I think the the the the uh the masks on the goblins looked a little kind of rough spirit Halloween, but beyond that, a lot of the effects that happened in this. We also didn't mention a lot of the times when people were dying, they'd have that chlorophyll green blood just like gushing down their heads. That wasn't as good. I mean, like it like yeah, but it's it wasn't obvious where the mechanism was coming from. I just it came onto screen very well.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:42

That's true. Yeah. I just think that the substance they used was very obviously just water and green green coloring. Because it like dried in a specific way. Anyway, I do agree with you though that it did come on in an instant.

SPEAKER_02 1:59:53

The practical effects still hold up and look pretty damn good, sometimes even better than that.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:57

I agree. Uh, instead of laughing, I'll appreciate things like the attempt at good cinematography and prosthetics, etc. Yes and no. I laughed for fun, though, not at the expense of the movie.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:07

Yeah. Uh I said iconic lines that will go down in history. I mean, how can you not love them? It's part of what makes this the quote unquote best worst movie. Yeah. Absolutely. You know it, you love it.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:16

Uh, grandpa's superpowers will be so confusing and befuddling. Bruh, what level of hell was his friend on who gave him lightning powers? I have to know. I just have to know. That was fucking insane.

SPEAKER_02 2:00:27

It's probably my favorite part of the movie, it's just the batshit insanity of that. I don't, I don't remember ever clocking that. What are the rules? As insane it is. I'm so happy about it. And then the final excitation was, of course, kid actors. And Derek, you seemed not too fond of this kid. Oh, I loved him. Okay, good. There's just a lot of things great. He would say lines and you would like kind of chuckle at him like he was doing really bad. Like, I actually think he did a really decent job. I was mostly chuckling at the dialogue. Yeah, it's really silly. Super silly. The movie around him was obviously pretty ridiculous, but like he was acting pretty believably as a child. Even at the very end when he was screaming about his mom being dead, like pretty good, honestly.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:03

I and I said the same thing. I said, honestly, we've seen much worse. Yeah. Joshua really just held his own. I actually think the teen actors were the worst.

SPEAKER_02 2:01:11

Yeah. Listen, much respect to you, Holly. You tried your best, but your acting was rough in this movie. It was rough. Uh, so should we get into our surprises for the movie? You didn't even gasp. Surprise. There it is. There we go. Uh, you can't be surprised when you already know it was going to be great. Oh, yeah. However, uh, grandpa's insane ghost powers. Like, what the fuck? What are we doing? Absolutely. Which made for a way more enjoyable time and something I was not expecting from this movie. It's deeply, deeply entertaining. Uh, the effects in a lot of the moments were not even just decent, but great. Like the tree bits coming out of the skin looked good and the severed arm. Weirdly enough, the weakest practical effects were the goblins themselves, which is so funny. And again, goblins but not trolls. Why why why no goblins? Or why no trolls? It's so weird. Um, a bangin' soundtrack. We didn't get enough into that, but like throughout the soundtrack was really, really fun. And something that really surprised me that I kind of noticed at a few moments in this, like at its best, it really feels like an episode of Goosebumps in like the most complimentary way. It just kind of has that feel, that vibe to it, like that that really, really worked for this movie in its favor. So, yeah, those are my surprises. What about you?

SPEAKER_03 2:02:19

Uh, the lady that never blinked, the mom didn't blink once. She was really bothered me. Her eyes were just wide.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:26

She really felt like she's been like the botomized and was kind of just sleepwalking through life.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:30

The practical effects, man. I mean same things as you. Like the practical effects, how much fun this movie still is, even after 10 days. Such a good time. Um, the milk, man. I don't know why. I never really thought about the milk, but it was such a surprise to me to think about it. Yeah, they got a fridge that would make you happy. Just nothing but milk. Nothing but well, okay. Not goblin milk. And then honestly, that I recognized so much scenery. Like I recognized so much of where they were. It was really fun.

SPEAKER_02 2:02:54

Yeah, it was really, really jarring. But I think it's time to get down to our verdict. Are we ready for this? It's no surprise. You know what you love it. This movie is going to be a certain horror bowl for me and for Derek as well. This is a great time. While I I wholeheartedly agree that this deserves the title of quote unquote the best worst movie, it is also hard to give it that title because, in many ways, this movie isn't even that bad. Like, really, no, I've I can name several other movies that are way worse for this podcast than we've got. Yes, exactly. Honestly, or fear or Ghost Shark. 80% of the movies we watch for this thing. Yeah, we've seen way worse for the sake of this podcast. This one is it's poorly written, it's poorly edited, it's poorly acted, but despite all of that, in the middle of it all, it is still incredibly entertaining throughout and honestly impossible to hate. I would argue that you could you would struggle to like dislike this movie. Absolutely, I agree. So Sisalk is classic spelled backwards. Nice. So grab some friends and throw on throw this on for a hell of a time with an iconic horror movie you will never forget whether you like it or not.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:00

And it's also it's like light horror. It's like horror light, it's soft horror.

SPEAKER_02 2:04:04

Truly. Like it's not really scary. I was thinking about this, like, it would take me a while to show my child this movie, but I think it is something you could show a younger audience because I was thinking about that. I'm like, if I was a kid and I was watching this, it would be legitimately scary. There's sometimes where the goblins surround people, and like, this is actually pretty spooky. So yeah, but yeah. Certified horrible.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:23

Certified horrible for me as well. Troy to Troy Troll 2. Troll 2 is the absolute essence of what makes this podcast. This is the reason we watched it today as our most recommended film. It holds up as the quintessential B movie, one of the most quotable movies I've ever seen, just an all-around great time. There is a reason people talk about it so much. Grab your green jello, grab your juice, grab your green frosted cheesecake, gather your friends, and enjoy the insanity that is Troll 2.

SPEAKER_05 2:04:52

Be biloo does me counts trivia.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:00

Welcome back to my podcast. I called this That was Trivia. Dennek, how do you do it? That was trivia.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:07

It's episode 100.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:08

Episode You've probably done this like seven. You boys aren't done like episode 900 at this point. I feel like it's been so long since you've had me on. Oh, you're doing that. Yes, yeah. It's been a bit a minute, hasn't it? Yes, been hanging out. The old vampire ticker is still uh still ticking in my time, you know. I live forever, so I feel every waking moment. Well, we're way over time, dude. So you got any trip for us or? Mine, yes. He's going to give them trivia, and then they're going to trivia me.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:35

Oh my god. That was pretty good. That was pretty funny. Triv? Trib? That was good.

SPEAKER_02 2:05:40

Let's get into some trivia here for this movie. There was actually less than I thought there was going to be, but still there's a decent amount here. I feel like he went over a bunch too. Yeah, I tried I tried to sprinkle it throughout. Uh so let's let's crack into this. The this is really interesting to me. The entire cast went to a casting call hoping to be extras and ended up in the lead roles. So all of these, all of the leads were intending on being extras. That's insane. That's so crazy to me. Director Claudio Fragasso is still angry about the film's poor reception. Oh, Claudio. He crashed a cast reunion QA after he was escorted out of the room. He heckled the cast from the hallway, calling them liars and dogs as they answered the fan questions.

SPEAKER_07 2:06:19

What?

SPEAKER_02 2:06:20

He's he's still not in great spirits. That's another thing that was pretty prevalent throughout the documentary, is he refuses to believe this is a bad movie. I love it. He's like, we made a beautiful film here. It's about all of the important things about life: living, breathing eating vegetables. Like he really thinks this is not a bad movie at all. Hilarious. For George Hardy's audition, who played the father in this movie, all he did was act out his now famous line, you can't piss on hospitality, in front of nine smoking Italians, none of whom understood English. George was told that he got the role partially because the Italians loved the energy he put into it.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:55

Incredible.

SPEAKER_02 2:06:56

And guys, it is just so funny. He's just like the biggest, like I mentioned before, the biggest like dad who peeked in playing football in high school. He just keeps mentioning. I was in that movie. I did the you can't piss on hospitality line. It's just, it's so it's simultaneously endearing, but also so sad. Cute. I think I mentioned the uh the unofficial sequel to Troll uh Under Control has him in it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:18

And he it's he plays the same character.

SPEAKER_02 2:07:20

Yes, he's literally the same, the same character of Martian Waits or Martian. Martin. I like Martian. Martian Waits. Goodness. Morgan, Utah, where this film was shot, held a Troll 2 festival in 2007. The town was transformed into the fictional town of Nilbog seen in the movie. Okay, so hold on. They didn't do anything to the town. So they definitely put up a sign. They put up one sign that said Nilbog, and that's as far as you could go to turn it into Nilbog. Screenings of the film were held, and the mayor of Morgan presented director Claudio Fergasa with the key to the city. The key to the city over this movie. Are you kidding me? Incredible. That's ridiculous. According to cast members, the dance that Connie Young does in front of the mirror, that's Holly, the girlfriend sister character. Um, she was dancing in the mirror before she went and like told off her boyfriend.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:07

With her Garfield shirt.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:08

Yes, with her Garfield shirt. Apparently, it's known to fans as the Holly Waits dance, was ad-lib. She had an actual cheering experience. Cheerleading experience. That's awesome. There was a little something in there that I'm like, either someone had to choreograph this or she has experience with this. Incredible. Jason Steadman, I kind of already went into this. There was the different shirt with the yellow was a really funny bit. The infamous, oh my god, scene has been viewed on YouTube just over 7.1 million times as of February 2020. Oh yeah. In insanity. As I mentioned before, Michael Paul Stevenson didn't see the crow, didn't see the film until Christmas 1991 when he received a VHS film, a VHS tape of the movie as a gift.

SPEAKER_01 2:08:46

Incredible.

SPEAKER_02 2:08:46

Which is so cute, but also so sad that then he was like, oh, this movie is dog shit. Uh-oh. And then um, there's something really fun here. The last one I got here is several of the film's props, most notably a couple of masks, were used in the production of Quest for the Mighty Sword from 1990. And so I looked into this, and uh in uh most of the stills, you can just see one-to-one, the same exact goblin is in that movie. And I looked up a clip and I like, I looked at it, I laughed, I was like, Derek, you gotta see this. Apparently, he had already seen this clip.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:17

I actually think I've watched that movie.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:19

It's like this old medieval style movie from 1990, and there's this one scene where I don't know the context of what's happening here, but there's this like damsel, this maiden who's like making her way down this hall, like stroking across all the walls, finds her way to this goblin, just starts and then just starts making out with him.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:35

Just goes to town, dude.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:36

Which is nasty. He's got this long penis-looking nose. It's so, so weird. But that I think that is gonna wrap us up. That's it. We're in a new episode 100. We're in a new era. We're in the hundreds now. We're in the hundreds of things. We can do anything in triple digits, nothing can hurt us anymore.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:54

Nothing can stop me. We can't die.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:56

I have the power of Neobog and stuff. I have the power of Stonehenge from my ancient druidic ancestor. Hell yeah. Ancient Druidic origins.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:05

So, yeah, uh, stay tuned. We're gonna start pumping these out, hopefully, a little bit more frequently. A little more frequently. Life is just crazy, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:11

Life has been crazy. Yeah, Derek's been a dad. I've been super busy. So hopefully we find a bit more of a balance where we can do a couple more of these. Because damn, I love doing them.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:18

Me too, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:10:18

And I love doing them for you guys. Thank you so much just for tuning in for a hundred of these episodes. Here's to a hundred more. It's been a blast. We couldn't do it without you. And if you're here for the first time, just go listen to the rest of them, man. Yeah, man. Check them out. We got tons more of this. Work way backwards. And also, let us hear from you. You know, if you're a person who watches this, listens to this, you you're a fan, there's a movie you want us to check out, just like there's gotta be movies that you know. We just need a horror movie that is like pretty critically hated, you know, and that's we will check it out for you. And we will check it out for you because we have checked out some dog shit. Bloodfart Lake. Looking at you, terror on Bloodfart Lake. We did that. I saw that shit that came in here when I was with a cat. So most things are on the table that we could that we will do for you, the fans. So thank you so much for joining us. And if you want to check in next time, we are going to go back to our promise that we made weeks and weeks and months ago. We're gonna check out Return to Silent Hill, which I want to say is currently sitting at like uh 16, 18%. It's pretty low. But so let me let me to give you a little tease for the next time, let's give you a synopsis on the next movie. Return to Silent Hill brings the iconic horror franchise back to the screen. When James receives a mysterious letter from his lost love Mary, he is drawn to Silent Hill, a once familiar town now consumed by darkness. As he searches for her, James faces monstrous creatures and unravels a terrifying truth that will push him to the edge of his sanity.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:41

Incredible. Also, keep an eye out on our YouTube. We are gonna start putting up a playthrough we're doing of the new Resident Evil game.

SPEAKER_02 2:11:47

It's been a pretty fun time. We spent a long time looking for things that we already had. We get lost and scared a bunch. It's a really good time. I get scared. Yeah, exactly. So thank you as always for joining us. If you like what you see here, please go and leave us. Review, it takes no time at all. Preferably a five-star one if you're feeling it, get them on uh like Apple Podcasts, iTunes, wherever it is, Spotify. Go check wherever buddy, where's and if you want to find us on any of our socials, please give us a follow. Just go to any of your social medias your Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, TikTok, put in That Was Horrible, you will find us. We'll find us. We will be there, and we will be back here again and see you real soon. Thanks for joining us. As always, Garfield will be with you.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:26

Stay spooky.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:29

Thank you for joining us on this 100th episode, Spectacular. If you've been here the whole time, thanks for sticking around. Why not tell some friends while you're at it? And until next time, stay spooky.